Bowe: Hi there! This is Bowe, yes, I, Bowe Ootini am a lone interviewer! But I still help IamErtai. And I’m coming to you live, in my first interview, from the only place on earth where there is absolutely no chance of any plot holes to appear, to interview Falco Lombardi, the North Pole! Plus I got someone to come with me, to help keep us warm, and to assist me, the fire sword bearing hero, Roy!
Roy: Hi!
His sword starts burning
Roy: ooh, toasty! Hey, by the way, where is Falco?
Bowe: I told him that I’d find a place that has no plot holes in it, and to meet us there.
Roy: Did you tell him you found that place?
Bowe: Umm, uh oh.
Roy: Oh great! Now we’re stuck in an endless plain of snow, and will die in about a dozen days.
Bowe: WHAT?!
Roy: Yeah. My sword’ll run out of fire by then, and after that, we’ll freeze.
Bowe: Well, there’s nothing we can really do…
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Twelve days later…
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Bowe: OH GOD, PLEASE BRING FALCO AND HIS ARWING RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! Nothing happens.
Roy: Uh, Bowe?
Bowe: What?
Roy: I hate to be the one to tell you but I’m the only one here…
Dramatic pause
Roy: My sword just ran out.
Bowe: We’re gonna die.
Roy: And the interview hasn’t started…
Bowe: Aiiiiiii!
Roy: What?
Bowe: Just seeing if it warms you up, or something.
Roy: I’ve heard that we should walk around to warm up.
They walk in a circle 220000 times.
Roy: Have you noticed, the snow has being falling up?
Bowe: Hey, you’re right! What does that mean?
Roy: I…don’t…know…Wait, WE’VE BEING WALKING AROUND THE NORTH POLE!
Bowe: So?
Roy: AND WE’VE DONE IT 220000 TIMES!
Bowe: So?
Roy: WE’VE CROSSED THE DATE LINE BACKWARDS!
Bowe: So?
Roy: THAT MEANS WE’VE GONE BACK IN TIME 220000 DAYS!
Bowe: So?
Roy: BOWE, WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE AGES!
Bowe: Oh.
Roy: We’ve gotta get to civilization.
They start walking, and walking, and walking.
Bowe: And here we are at the ocean. Now what?
Falco flies in on his Arwing. He lands right by them.
Falco: I thought you would be in the middle. So, got any extra jackets?
They raise an eyebrow at him, look down, and sigh.
Falco: What? I’m cold!
Bowe and Roy get in the Arwing
Roy: Ooh, toasty!
Bowe: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Falco: Hey! Get out of there! I just pre-warmed the seat!
Bowe: and Roy: Ewwwww!!! Jump out.
Falco: Look, if you want a ride, you’ll have to hold on to the wings.
Bowe and Roy hold tight to the wings. Falco hops in and takes off. From up here, they can see a far distances, and all around, plot holes are popping up. After a time, Falco lands in England.
Bowe: Remind me never to do that again.
Roy: All that wind messed up my cool hair!
Voice: ‘ello! Welcome to Great Britain!
Falco: Who’s there?
Umbreon: I’m Umbreon! And I’m Jolteon’s great great great great great great great great great great grandpa!
Roy: I thought you looked familiar.
Bowe: Anyway, Falco, first question. How did you get back in time?
Falco: I got Link to do it for me when I saw you walking around the North Pole.
Umbreon: You came here in a sausage?
Bowe: Link is here?!
Falco: Well, no, after that, he went back to Lylat with Katt.
Bowe: Darn it!
Falco: Yeah, why didn’t she take me?
Bowe: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!!
Falco takes something out of his pocket.
Roy: What’s that?
Falco: My communicator.
He presses some buttons.
Falco: KATT, COME BACK FOR ME!
Umbreon: Wow, got any other comunykaters?
Falco: Sure. Pulls out a gun and shoots near Umbreon.
Umbreon: AAAAHHHRRGGGG!!!
Falco: What? I’m not that bad a shot.
Umbreon: HE’S A WITCH!
Eevee: HE CAN SUMMON UP FIRE WITHOUT FLINT OR TINDER!
Flareon: Well, so can I.
He rolls his eyes.
Vaporeon: FLAREON’S A WITCH!
Flareon: What? No! That’s not right!
Espeon: He’s right! He’s not made out of wood! But Eevee is!
Eevee: No! That’s my fur!
Roy: This is boring.
He starts practicing fencing
Umbreon: Look!
Vaporeon: His sword can summon flame!
Roy: Drat.
A little bit later, Falco, Roy, Eevee, and Flareon are tied to stakes.
Umbreon, Vaporeon and Espeon: BURN THEM!!! BURN ‘EM UP!!! HA HA HA!!!
Bowe: No! You can’t burn them!
Umbreon: Why?
Bowe: ‘cuse we just almost froze to death.
Roy: Bowe! There’s no time for jokes now! Though, that was pretty good…
Espeon: BURN THEM UP, WITH FIRE!!! BWAA HA HA!!!
Bowe: Help!
Katt flies in and blasts the stakes.
Katt: C’mon!
Bowe, Falco, and Roy run after her. She lands.
Link: coming out of Katt’s ship Oof, it’s tight in there.
Falco: You…took…my…girl…
Link: What? No, we really had to squeeze!
Falco: DIE!!! Starts fighting Link
Roy: Well, can I go home?
Bowe is standing there.
Roy: Can I?
Bowe is standing there, not blinking.
Roy: Bowe?
Bowe is standing there, not blinking, with his mouth wide open.
Roy: Well?
Bowe is standing there, not blinking, with his mouth wide open, staring at…
Roy: Hello…
Bowe is standing there, not blinking, with his mouth wide open, staring at Katt.
Roy: Aaahhh! Bowe that’s disgusting!
Falco: Huh?
Bowe: Ahhhhhhhh.
Falco: HEY! NO FAIR! Two against one?!
Roy: Not you too!
Bowe: But Roy…
Roy: No!
Bowe: She’s…
Roy: Aaaahhhhhhhhrrrgggg! And a cat?! Is it possible?!
Bowe: a…KITTY!!!
Roy falls down, twitching. Bowe runs at Katt.
Bowe: OH KITTY!
Grabs her.
Bowe: you’re so soft and cuddly!
Katt: Just like any male.
Falco: NO!!!
Katt: I know what YOU want…
Bowe: Huh?
Gives Bowe a kiss. There is a long pause.
Falco: KATT!!!!!
Bowe: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! GETMEAWAY! GETMEAWAY!!!
Falco: GRRRRR!
Bowe: HELP!!!!! ROY! LINK! UMBREON! ANYONE!!!
Falco: HOW DARE YOU!!!
Bowe: …except him…
Bowe gets punched in to the peasant.
Bowe: Oww… Well at least they’re back in the middle ages…
A plot hole opens and drops Link, Roy, Falco, and Katt.
Bowe: Dang.
Link: Ahem…
Falco gives him a bunch off money.
Link: Yippee! Runs off.
Falco: Now to set you INTERVIEWER right!
Well, I don’t really want to go far into the details here so this will conclude my first real interview. I had to go to the hospital because of Falco, Roy’s right here in that bed, he’s twitched so much in his coma, the nurse had to put him back in his bed five times. Anyway, Falco’s gonna get it from me when I can walk, but I guess I didn’t want to stay in Katt’s arms…
Roy: Eeeeeehh!!
Roy’s Right, better change the subject. So, this is Bowe signing off, bye.
All things © to Nintendo are © to Nintendo.
Bowe is © to himself. Katt, or anyone else, can’t have him.
Witches are © to the Middle Ages, which is © to itself, I guess.
Tune in next time for my interview Uh, anyone who wants to be interviewed.