Roy: Good, we’re interviewing Starfox. They’ve been interviewed so much; they should know how to behave.
Bowe: Yes…
Roy: And we’re not interviewing the whole Cornerian army. Only four guys.
Bowe: Roy, It’s not four guys-
Roy: What? Oh, three guys and one girly frog!
Bowe: But Roy…
Roy: I guess two guys, one girly frog, and one artifact!
Bowe: That’s not what I meant.
Roy: Huh?
Bowe: We’re interviewing all of Starfox.
Roy: Uh, yeah, just four-
Bowe: No, Roy, ten.
Roy: TEN?!?!
Bowe: Yes.
Roy: Fox, Falco, Peppy, and Slippy are four!
Bowe: And Rob, Tricky, Krystal, James, Vixy and Fara make ten.
Roy: N-no!
Bowe: Afraid so… And maybe even Pigma.
Roy: I know! I’ve got it! They’re too busy flying around in the Great Fox all day, that we don’t know where they are!
Bowe: At five o’ clock today, South Pole of Fortuna
Roy: Man, the one time it’s better to be stupid…
Bowe: Hey!
Roy: But they’ll be on another planet! We won’t be able to reach them!
Bowe: That didn’t stop us last time, and I’ve got tickets to fly there on Vyse’s airship, the Delphinus.
Roy: No…
Bowe: Yep.
Roy: How much did you pay to get those?
Bowe: Fifty.
Roy: Fifty?!
Bowe: Each.
Roy: What?!
Bowe: I took the fifty for your ticket from your pay, of course.
Roy stares at Bowe for almost a minute, and then buries his face in his hands.
Roy: I-I feel ill…
Bowe: I have to do most of it! What are you complaining about?!
Roy: Well, I hardly get paid at all-
Bowe: So you’re just helping me because you’re my friend?
Roy: No! My dad is feeling better, and so he leads the army of Pharae, so I have nothing to do! I’m helping you because I’m utterly bored!
Bowe: I won’t say anything…now…
Roy: But, being your assistant has taught me one very important thing,
Bowe: ‘Bowe is extremely cool?’
Roy: No, ‘Avoid Katt at all times.’
Bowe: sigh… But, do you acknowledge that I am extremely cool?
Roy: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Bowe: Good.
He takes his hand off his sword hilt.
----
Sometime later…
----
Roy: What are we doing at the airport?
Bowe: Stupid question. We’re waiting for the Delphinus to pick us up.
Roy: Can we go look around?
Bowe: No, they’ll be here any minute.
Roy: But if I linger around too long, the guards will take my sword!
Bowe: Do you want to miss the ship?
Roy: I’d jump on the opportunity.
Bowe: Too bad. You can’t leave.
Roy: Pooh.
Bowe: Where?!?!
Roy: No, I was just saying it.
Bowe: Oh.
Roy: Yep.
Bowe: Hmm.
Roy: Well- no.
Bowe: What?
Roy: Oh, nothing.
Bowe: Tell me.
Roy: Whatever.
Bowe: Go on.
Roy: I notice that you’re not wearing galoshes…
Bowe: Forget it.
Roy: OK.
----
Meanwhile, behind them…
----
Vyse: If they just would turn around, they would notice that WE ARE RIGHT BEHIND THEM!!!
Lawrence: Ah, we have enough time.
Vyse: I’m not paying you by the hour.
Lawrence: Pooh.
Bowe turns around.
Bowe: WHERE?!?!
Lawrence: I was just saying it.
Bowe: Oh.
He Turns back around and waits for Vyse and company.
Vyse: He just looked at us!!!
Aika: Why don’t you try tapping one of them on the shoulder, or something, so we can get this over with!
Vyse: Oh, yeah.
He taps Roy on the shoulder.
Roy: AAAHH!!! um, what I mean is, I DON’T HAVE A SWORD!!!
Vyse: Well, that didn’t work.
He taps Bowe on the shoulder.
Bowe: EEK! I’M NOT A STARFOX INTERVIEWER!!!
Aika: sigh…
Vyse: Oh, These must not be the right guys. The interviewers must be somewhere else in the airport.
They leave to look for Bowe and Roy.
Roy: Good thing we got rid of them, huh?
Bowe: Yep! Hey, Vyse should be here by now.
Roy: Everyone’s always late.
Bowe: Wait. Roy? Do you get the feeling that we just did something intensely stupid?
Roy: Maybe you did, but not me.
Bowe: Well, if I did, it would be nothing new.
Roy: Yep.
Bowe: Are we sure those were police? We didn’t look at them…
Roy: Let’s follow ‘em!
Bowe: Let’s- I was going to say that!
Roy smiles and runs off in the direction that Vyse went. Bowe follows slowly. When they catch up, Roy grabs Vyse.
Vyse: AAAHH!! I mean, I’M NOT ARMED!!!
Roy: I’m not the police; I’m the interviewer
Vyse: Even worse!!!
Aika: We’re looking for them.
Vyse: Oh, yeah. Right.
Aika: Let’s just get them to this other place, so we can go do stuff we want to!
Vyse: OK.
---
Some time later…
----
Vyse: Alright everyone, these are the interviewers. If we just stay calm, nothing evil will happen. I’ll introduce you to my party.
Roy: No need for that!
Bowe: What do you mean?
Roy: I already know who all of ‘em are!
Bowe: Oh, really?
Roy: Yes!
Bowe: Well then who’s that?
He points to Vyse.
Roy: Heero Yuy.
Bowe: And that?
He points to Fina.
Roy: Relena Peacecraft.
Bowe: And him?
Points to Gilder.
Roy: Treize Khushranada.
Bowe: Him?
Points at Drachma.
Roy: Doctor J.
Bowe points at Enrique.
Roy: Quatre Reberba Winner.
He points to Aika.
Bowe: And who’s that? Sally?
Roy: No… She’s Misty!!
Bowe: …sigh…
Roy: Shocking!
Vyse: Um, what exactly is going on?
Bowe: An interview.
Vyse: Oh, an interv- A WHAT?!?!
He jumps off the ship.
Bowe: But he already knew…
Roy: And we aren’t interviewing you, Heero.
Bowe: It’s too late. And his name is Vyse.
Aika: Now we have no captain!
Bowe: Well, who’s the second-in-command?
Aika: We didn’t really decide…
Fina: And we need Mr. Vyse’s approval before we can choose.
Bowe: OK, who here can fly an airship?
No one says anything.
Aika: I’ve done a little flying, but I’d feel safer with someone else doing it.
Lawrence: I’m not doing it unless you pay me.
There’s a long pause, and then Grey Wolf drops in from a plot hole.
Grey Wolf: Bowe can fly an air ship! Yes he can!
Bowe: Be quiet fool!
Grey Wolf: But it’s the truth!
Bowe: I know and you know, but they didn’t.
Grey Wolf: Um, oh.
Roy: Aye aye, captain Bowe! Set a course!
Bowe: Now see what you’ve gotten me into?
Grey Wolf: Ha ha!
Bowe: Fine! Fine, I’ll fly the ship!
Roy: I think you really want to fly it.
Bowe: Hey, who wouldn’t?!
Aika: Then why weren’t you volunteering?
Bowe: Because it’s fun to mess with your minds.
Roy: Well I think our minds are messed up enough!
Bowe: Hey, this is also good because I didn’t tell Vyse where we’re going.
Fina: And where is that?
Bowe: I don’t think-
Roy: The South Pole of Fortuna!
Bowe: ROY!!
Aika: Isn’t that a different planet?!
Bowe: Yes…
Aika: This ship isn’t capable of going into outer space! It’s impossible!
Bowe: Hey, Nothing is impossible! ‘Impossible’ is just a word people say when they lose so that they don’t feel bad! When I hear that word, I just want to do the so-called impossible thing and prove everyone wrong!
Fina: I think you’ll make a great captain, just like Vyse!
Roy: Don’t you mean Heero?
Fina: No, Heero says stuff more like, ‘Note; I shouldn’t blow things up when I’m standing on them.’
Bowe: Forget it. We need to find the place where the atmosphere is thinnest, and go through there. Any ideas?
Aika: One of the moons?
Roy: The center of the earth?
Fina: No idea.
Bowe: OK, we’ll just go up and out!
Aika: Umm, but-
Bowe: Don’t bother me!
The ship speeds past the clouds, and amazingly gets into outer space. But then something hits the windshield at extreme speed.
Bowe: What the-?
Aika: I tried to tell you, Enrique had gone out on the deck!
Enrique: I-I’m not quite dead!
Fina: Bring him in for medical treatment.
Aika takes him to the back of the ship, and comes back.
Roy: Why is it getting harder and harder to breath?
Bowe: Great. Enrique must’ve cracked a hole in the glass. I bet if I go fast enough, I could make it.
Aika: No way! It’s imposs- Uh, I mean, yeah. Maybe.
Bowe increases the speed, and they go on for a while, until they run out of air. All of their lives flash before their eyes. But then the Delphinus flies right into a plot hole, leading to Fortuna. (To be specific the South Pole.)
Bowe: We’re alive!
Roy: And at our destination!
Aika: OK, bye. She takes the wheel and flies the ship out from under the interviewer’s feet.
Bowe, Roy, and Grey Wolf: Falling. AAAAAHHH!!!
Bowe: They forgot to take my tickets!
Roy: Wow, you can see really far from here!
Grey Wolf: But we’re falling to our deaths!
Roy: That’s why I’m trying to enjoy the last part of my life.
Bowe: And we might fall in a plot hole, or something.
They all wait for a plot hole to open, but it doesn’t.
Grey: Well, we’re about to hit the ground.
Roy: God, if I did anything wrong in my life, forgive me.
Vincent: Falls by. Are you breaking the second commandment?!
Roy: Oh! Um, no.
Vincent: Good. Falls past them.
A little bit later, they all hit the ground. But there’s so much snow, that none of them are hurt.
Bowe: We’re saved again!
Roy: Great. I can’t think of a quote from when they were on Caradhras.
Bowe: Now we have to find Starfox.
Grey: And they could be anywhere.
Roy: Why are you still here?
Grey: Because I like my cameo.
Bowe: I see. Now let’s get going.
Roy: No! We can’t just start walking in a random direction!
Bowe: But how can we know where there are without looking?
Roy: But if we do that, we might start to go around in circles! Around the pole.
Bowe Recalls the last time he was at a pole.
Bowe: He’s right. We need more info of there whereabouts.
He walks off with an angry look in his eyes.
Grey: Umm, I’m just going to take your word for it…
Roy: Bowe, what are you doing?
Bowe: I’m going to find the highest place around, and see if I can see them.
Roy: How will you make sure you don’t go in a circle?
Bowe: I’ll make a line in the snow, and look back at it, and if it curves, then we might be in trouble.
Roy: OK.
Grey: Do you mind if I ask what is going on?
Bowe: Yes. Now follow me.
After a while, they get to a taller snowdrift.
Bowe: Maybe I can see something from up there…
Roy: I don’t think so. It’s just about an inch higher than those other snowdrifts, and no one could see anything in this blizzard.
Grey: Yeah, let’s just try to find Starfox.
The three walk on and on warmed by the flames of Roy’s sword for what seems like forever, until they finally collapse. Some time later, Bowe is wrapped in a blanket by a fireplace in a small alpine cabin.
Bowe: Dreaming. Katt, stop, or I’ll tell Inuyasha to kill you for me.
Fox: What is he talking about?
Peppy: He’s just dreaming. Let’s keep listening.
Bowe: Dreaming. Now look what you’ve done. You’ve tied me to a giant’s nose.
Peppy: I think we should wake him.
Falco: Wait, this is interesting.
Bowe: Dreaming. No, wrong one. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH….
Fox: Now he’s talking nonsense.
Falco: Doesn’t he always?
Peppy wakes Bowe up.
Bowe: NO! It’s the Burning Red Association! Run!!!
Fox: I think he’s still dreaming.
Bowe: What happened to me?
Falco: Apparently, Katt tied you to a nose and you screamed and Inu-whoever didn’t save you.
Bowe: Oh, I remember. Thanks for reminding me, Falco.
Falco: Grins. Not at all.
*Knock*
Bowe: I am lucky to have gotten out of there. Wait, where’s Roy?
Roy: I’m right here
*Knock*
Bowe: Wait! Where’s Grey?
Peppy: Who’s that?
Bowe: Someone who was with Roy and I. Did you get him?
Peppy: There was only you two.
Bowe: Hmm, oh well. Now that we’re all here, I can interview you.
*Knock*
Fox, Falco, and Peppy step away from Bowe. Slippy runs in from the other room.
Slippy: Yay! An interview!
Bowe: What?
Falco: Some interviewers bring snacks with them.
Slippy: Yay! I’m going to have twinkies, and kool-aid, and cup cakes!
Bowe: Uh, all I brought were these peanut butter and cheese sandwiches.
Slippy: Pooh.
Bowe: WHERE?!?!?!
Slippy: I was just saying it.
Bowe: Oh.
*Knock*
Roy: Why don’t you ask them questions now?
Bowe: Ah, you are right. Question one: who’s knocking at the door?
*Knock*
Fox: I’ll see.
Fox opens the door, and Big the cat comes in.
Big: Froggy? Where are you?
Falco: Who are you?
Big: I’m Big the cat. Have you seen Froggy around here?
Falco: I dunno. Roy, close the door.
Roy goes to close the door
Roy: Goes to close the door. It ain’t a fit night out for man or beast!
He gets hit by a large wad of snow.
Bowe: Now, would you describe this ‘Froggy’ to me?
Big: Duh, OK. He’s a green frog.
Fox: You mean him?
He points to Slippy.
Big: Froggy! I found you!!
He runs up and hugs Slippy very hard.
Slippy: Wow! This must be the first time in my life this has happened to me! OWW! That was my spine!
Peppy: Yep, In the old days, I remember when all the cats would come out at night and break bones of passer-bys.
Falco: Hmm, Big the cat?
Big: Yeah?
Falco: You wouldn’t by any chance be related to Katt the big?
Bowe and Roy: EWWW!! FALCO!!!
Big: Duh, what’s that mean?
Peppy: I remember in my day, nothing was a double-entende…
CATS Bursts in
CATS: Someone did CATS say?!
Peppy: No.
CATS: Will I return!
He leaves without closing the door. Roy goes to close it.
Roy: It ain’t a fit night out for man or beast!
He gets hit by a large wad of snow. He closes the door.
Slippy: Umm, could you please let go of me?!
Big: You’re my polliwog pal! Don’t worry, I won’t let anything bad happen to you!
Most Of Slippy’s Bones: Snap! Crack!
Bowe: Hey, Fox. Weren’t all of Starfox coming?
Fox: Well, they wouldn’t come because they said it was too cold; Rob would freeze up, Krystal and Tricky would get far too cold because they aren’t wearing much, if anything, and mom and dad are just too dead.
Bowe: What about Fara?
Fox: Oh, she’ll be here any minute.
Bowe: Crud…
Then, there was a knock at the door. Everyone feared Fara, but when Roy opened the door, a mostly frozen Grey Wolf stepped in.
Bowe: Whoa, he’s cold. Get him by the fire! Roy, close the door!
Roy: And it ain’t a fit night out for man or beast!
He gets hit by a large wad of snow. He closes the door.
Falco: Now we can’t go near the fire without freezing!
Peppy: It was always that way when I was young.
Big: Froggy, where did you get those clothes? And when did you grow so much?
Slippy: I think you’re mistaking me for someone else! AAAHH! My last rib!
Falco: Ah, seeing all of Slippy’s bones breaking does me good.
Leon: Hey! Torture is my job!
Bowe: Where did you come from?
Leon: Though the door.
Bowe: Does no one close doors?! It’s a blizzard outside! Roy-
Roy: Say no more. It ain’t a fit night out for man or beast!
He gets hit by a large wad of snow, then closes the door.
Big: I’ll never let you go-
Suddenly, Big disappears.
Bowe: Whoa! What the-?
Slippy: I used my phase-teleporter on him. He pushes the button, and Leon vanishes. And he does it on Grey.
Bowe: Where did you put them?
Slippy: I’m not sure about Big and Leon, but Grey went to the Sahara.
Bowe: I see.
Fox: I’m hungry. Let’s eat Peppy.
Peppy: Hey!
Bowe: I have my sandwiches. We can all eat them.
Slippy: I don’t think I should eat anything for the rest of my life.
They all devour Bowe’s sandwiches.
Roy: These are good.
Fox: What are they? Cheese and peanut butter? Cool.
But suddenly, Peppy falls down on the floor, curled up in a ball, with his tail straight up.
Fox: NOT NOW!!!
Bowe: What is he doing??
Fox: Falco, distract them, Slippy, you’re with me!
Slippy carries Peppy into the other room, and Fox follows.
Roy: What’s going on?!
Falco: Uh, nothing.
Bowe: Nothing?! Of course something is happening! And we have rights to know what it is!
Falco: Oh, forget it! Umm, do you want to see my Digimon cards?
Bowe: No! Stop blocking us!
Fox: From behind the door. EWWWWW!!!! BARF!!!
Bowe: OK, now I NEED to know what’s going on!!
Falco: Whatever, if you must know, Peppy’s gone flop-bot again.
Bowe: Flop-bot???
Falco: Yes.
Roy: What the heck is flop-bot?
Falco: That, you don’t want to know.
Fox: Other side of door. Err… There! It’s out!! Splash!
Roy slashes Falco with his sword and the two go in the other room.
Bowe and Roy: EWWW!!
For those of you at home who do not know what flop-bot is, it means when an animal is so constipated, the waste has to be extracted by hand.
Bowe and Roy: EWWWWW!!!
Fox: It’s not my fault!!
Bowe and Roy run in the first room as fast as they can, only to be greeted by Fara.
Bowe: Gasp!
Roy: Oh, umm, Fara! How-how nice of you to close the door behind you! Hee heh…
Fara: Whatever. Now, interview me and get it over with.
Bowe: Umm, OK, uh… Why do you like to buy things so much?
Fara: Well, there’s always stuff you need, like food, houses, and such. And there’s stuff that you want, like, perfume, make-up, designer clothes… why are you sweating?
Bowe: Me? Oh, no, uh, reason.
Fara: I thought it was cold out.
Fox comes out of the nasty room.
Fox: Man, the next time he does that, I’m running away. Period.
He sees Fara, and runs away.
Fara: That was mean of him…remind me to kill him, and anyone else who runs away from me.
Falco wakes up and runs away from Fara.
Fara: GRRR…
Bowe: Now don’t get angry and kill us…
Fara: I don’t kill everyone when I’m angry, you idiot! Just the person I’m angry at!
Roy: That makes sense.
Fara: I’ll be right back.
She Leaves. Bowe Sighs in relief
Bowe: We escaped!
Roy: But she said she’d be back soon.
Bowe: We’d better hide!
Roy: I get the dresser!
He hops in.
Bowe: Where should I hide?!
Dresser: I dunno. Figure something out. But don’t talk to me anymore!
Bowe: Hmm, can’t hide in the other room, it’s nasty. Isn’t the George W. Bush’s room around here or something?
Fara comes back in the cabin.
Bowe: Eek!
Fara: Are you saying ‘eek’ at me?!
Bowe: NO!
Fara: Are you denying me?!
Bowe: Err… no.
Fara: Do you wish me dead?! Are you sickened by my presence?!
Bowe: No! No!
Fara: OK then.
Bowe: Sighs in relief. That was close.
Fara: Now for the final question…
Bowe: Wait, I’m the interviewer!
Fara: So what. Now…
Bowe: Thinking. (I’ve got a bad feeling about this last question…) Look! A department store!
Fara half closes her eyes.
Fara: How stupid do you think I am?
Bowe: Uh… I dunno.
Fara: Forget it. The last question is, is that money in your pocket?
Bowe: No!
Fara: I know I saw some paper of some sort in there! Show me now!
Bowe: Eek! Fine!
He pulls the Delphinus tickets out and shows them to her.
Fara: Hmm… OK, I see.
Bowe: Huh?
Fara: I’ll explain. You are the only one to give the better answer (for me.) to all those questions back there. I ask almost everybody them. You’re being very nice, and careful not to get me mad at you. You bought a trip for two on a romantic sail through the sky, and you and I are the only ones in this room…
Bowe: So?
Fara: So it’s obvious you’re going to propose to me.
Bowe: WHAT?!?!?!
The dresser falls over. Slippy comes in from the other room
Slippy: What’s that? Bowe is going to marry Fara? I’ll have to tell everyone about this! Runs out the door.
Bowe: (The only way out of this is if she refuses…)
Fara: Well, I accept!
Bowe: (Crud!!!) Uh…O-OK, ehh…
Fara: Did you buy the engagement ring yet?
Bowe: No…
Fara: Well, make sure you buy a diamond ring, at least eighteen carets…
Peppy: Rushes in. Did someone say carrots?!
Fara: No, and why don’t you have any pants on?
Peppy: I really don’t know.
He goes back in the other room.
Fara: Well anyway, I’ll see you in a week back on earth at the wedding, honey.
She winks at him, and leaves. Bowe is stunned for a long while, but eventually snaps out of it.
Bowe: Roy, come out. Now.
Dresser: Is she gone?
Bowe: For now anyway…
Roy comes out of the dresser.
Roy: Burst out laughing. Hahaha! Oh man! So Bowe, you’re getting a wife?! Wahahaha!!!
Bowe: Shut up! You’ve gotta help me think of a way out of this!!!
Roy: Hmm, maybe we should consult an expert.
Bowe: An expert of what? Repelling girls?!
Roy: No! Who has evaded marriage of Fara for many long years?
Bowe: Fox!
Roy: Exactly.
Bowe: The last I knew, he was being beat up out side.
Roy: Let’s go!
They put on warmer clothes, and leave the alpine cabin.
Roy: And it ain’t a fit night out for man or beast!
He gets hit by a large wad of snow.
Bowe: Fox should be around here somewhere…
Big: Hwa! Ice fishing is fun!
Bowe: Hey, how did you get here?
Big: Well, I was hugging Froggy, when suddenly I appeared here! But now I’m ice fishing.
Bowe: I see. Have you seen Fox around here?
Big: Uh, yeah! He flew away.
Roy: Great. He could be halfway around the galaxy by now!
Big: Duh, no he couldn’t.
Roy: What do you mean?
Big: How could a little tike like him go out of the atmosphere?
Bowe: Wait. Did ‘Fox’ have two tails and no clothes on?
Big: Well, yeah!
Bowe: That was Tails!!
Big: Oh.
Roy: He’s not going to be any help.
Bowe: Yeah. Let’s move on.
Big: Wait! I’m not mentally retarded!
Bowe and Roy go on.
Roy: Now, if I were an insane anthropomorphic fox in a frosted wasteland, where would I hide?
Bowe: Well, the cabin’s still right behind us.
Roy: What?! It’s following us!! RUN!!!
Bowe: No, no. I mean we haven’t gone far at all.
Roy: Wow, that was a close one.
Bowe: Hey wait! There’s Fox on the roof!
Fox: Quiet! It was the best place to hide from Fara!
Bowe and Roy climb up with him.
Fox: What are you doing?
Roy: We need to talk to you.
Bowe: Fox, how did you keep Fara from marrying you for all this time?
Fox: Hey, why do you want to know?
Roy: Umm…
Bowe: Uh, well, because she, umm, wants to marry me.
Fox: His ears prick up and his eyes open wide. ACCEPT!!!
Bowe: That’s how you avoid it?!
Fox: No, Marry her! Get her away from me!
Roy: He’s not going to be any help.
Bowe: OK, then tell me if you can change your mind and refuse.
Fox: You already accepted?
Bowe: Uh, well, I guess you could put it that way…
Fox: YAHOO!! I’M FREE!!! Runs away in a joyful kind of insanity.
Bowe: Great. Just great.
Roy: Well, at least now Katt can’t marry you.
Bowe: Quiet! I only have one week to think of something.
Roy: And how are we supposed to get back to earth?
Bowe: Roy, you saved me.
Roy: Huh?
Bowe: How do we get back to earth? Hmm?
Roy: Yes!
Then an Arwing lands and Fara comes out.
Fara: I thought you might have trouble getting out of here. Get in!
Roy: Umm, gee, thanks.
After thinking about it, Bowe decides that he has no other choice. And he and Roy get in the ship.
Fara: So Bowe, what do you have planned out for our wedding?
Bowe: Well,
Fara: Just a normal one at a church? I’d like something a bit more exciting, you know, maybe on top of a mountain.
Bowe: Umm…
Fara: But I’ll go with what ever you think. But there is one thing I must have: a cake the size of me.
Roy: I want a piece!
Bowe: Um, excuse us a minute…
He drags Roy into the other room.
Roy: What? Since when do Arwings have two rooms?
Bowe: That’s not important! I’ve thought of something! Have you ever read ‘Romeo and Juliet’?
Roy: Yeah, but I’m not, umm, sure I want to hear this plan…
Bowe: It isn’t like that! Now, you remember at the end, Juliet is forced to marry someone she doesn’t want to, what does she do? She pretends to be dead!
Roy: And you’re going to do that?
Bowe: I’m not stopping at pretending.
Roy: You’d rather die than marry Fara?! The Return of the King hasn’t come out yet! And you haven’t gone to Japan!
Bowe: Hmm…
Roy: We’ve been in tons of terrible situations, and every single time, we come out alive! You’re not going to stop now, are you?
Bowe: I guess not. But now we don’t have a plan to get me out.
Roy: Why don’t you just say that you don’t what to marry her?
Bowe: She’d kill me!
Roy: Hmm…let’s listen to what she’s saying.
Fara: Hmm, Mrs. Fara Ootini, nice ring.
Bowe: But that’s my middle name!
Fara: Are you done with what you were doing in there?
Bowe: Oh! Umm, yeah…
Fara: Then come out!
They come out.
Bowe: Umm, Fara?
Fara: Yes?
Bowe: I’m, uh, not sure about getting married to you…
Fara: Oh, you’re just nervous. Don’t worry.
Roy: Isn’t he a bit young to get married?
Fara: Hey, in medieval times, people his age were getting married left and right!
Bowe: Yeah, but…
Fara: Ah! Here we are! Bowe, why don’t we just get married now? If you’re nervous, it’ll be better for you. And there’s a church right there!
Bowe: Well,
Fara: OK, it’s settled! I’ve got all the supplies in the back.
Roy: What about invitations?
Fara: Already done. Everyone’s inside.
They go in the church, and inside are many people from starwing and vast amounts of video game characters.
Jolteon: Hey, there aren’t any chewits here.
Pete: Then how will we chew them?
Jolteon: Shut up.
ShadowZX is riding on Andross and shooting a pistol upwards
ShadowZX: Yeeha! Ride ‘em cowboy!
Amy Clearwaters jumps on Andross with ShadowZX
Amy Clearwaters: Gets on Andross. Yay! Fun!
ShadowZX: Eek!
He Jumps off. Amy shoots her blaster cannon at the roof.
Andross: Please, make them stop!
Aftershock: Do I have electric powers or not?
Lightning: I was just thinking that…
Adam: This punch isn’t sticky enough.
Link: I’ve got to hide from female peoples!
Mario: Why does everyone hate me?!
Wolf: Do we? Bwahahaha!!!
Samuel McCloud: We’ve got to hide from the crazy boy!
Fox: We could hide with Link!
Cloud: Don’t worry, sons, daddy’s here!
Bowe: Did you have to invite everyone?!
Fara: Yep.
Blue: Hey Fara! C’mon, let’s get your wedding clothes on.
Voltz: So that’s why we’re here! A wedding!
Lady Nightshade: Yes, but who’s getting married?
Charlie: ME AND KRYSTAL!!!
Eggman: No…
Trowa: I know that the bride is Fara.
Cackoo: But who is the groom?
Albert: Hmm…
Samus: It must be Fox!
Harry Potter: It must be! Who else could it be?
Bowe: (This could be my chance to get out of this!)
Fox: No! It’s Bowe!!
Everyone stares at Bowe.
Bowe: Err…
Gary: Is it true?
Bowe: Sigh…yeah.
Everyone starts singing ‘Bowe’s marrying Fara!’ over and over again.
Bowe: Groan…
Roy: Don’t worry. It can’t get any worse, can it?
The door opens and two people come in.
Firiel: Bowe’s getting married?!
IamErtai: This I have got to see!
Firiel: And to Fara!
Roy: Err, sorry.
Bowe: Double groan…
Jolteon: I guess we should get ready now.
All of them go into different dressing rooms. Except Bowe and Roy.
Roy: Should we get dressed too?
Bowe: No.
Roy: Why?
Bowe: Because there’s not going to be a wedding.
He looks up and his face comes out of the shadows. He draws his sword and holds it high.
Roy: You’re going to kill everyone?!
Bowe: No, I’m going to run away like a little scaredy wimp and slice anything that gets in my way.
Roy: I see.
Bowe opens the doors and is confronted by a million homeless zombies.
Bowe: There’s more out here!
Homeless Zombie 1: Penny for the damned?
Homeless Zombie 2: Take shelter in hell.
Roy: There’s no way you’re getting out of here! Retreat!
They are forced back in the church. When they turn around, everyone is in tuxedos or fancy dresses.
Mewtwo: Bowe! Get dressed already!
Bowe: OK…
Vincent: Every time I go in a church to pray, something else always interrupts me.
After a while, they finally get Bowe and Fara up near the altar.
Duo: Umm, I’ve never done a marriage before…
Tails: Oh, it’ll be fine. Just read these notes I wrote for you.
Duo: Reads it. Umm, I’m not sure this is all correct.
Tails: It’s good enough.
Duo: OK Clears his throat. We are here 2day to watch these people get married. (I don’t think these are the right words…) Now, if anyone objects, speak now or don’t object.
Bowe: I object!
Duo: You can’t.
Bowe: Why not?!
Duo: Because you’re on trial- I mean, marriage.
The doors are flung open.
Roy: Eek! Zombies!
Grey Wolf: I object!
Everyone: Gasp!
Grey: She’s my girl!
Fara: Objection overruled.
Grey: Wha?
Tails: Goodbye!
Grey: Crud.
Bowe: Likewise. (I missed my last chance!)
Vincent: That’s enough! I come in here to try to pray for forgiveness, and everyone else makes so much noise, that everyone in sector Z could hear you! Therefore, I-
Bowe: Call off the marriage??
Vincent: No, I wait till you’re done.
Bowe: (I missed my last chance!)
Duo: Do you, Fara Phoenix, take this guy as your husband?
Fara: I do.
Duo: I now pronounce you-
Bowe: Wait! Don’t you ask me?!
Tails: I knew I forgot something!
Bowe: (I missed my last chance!)
Duo: Anyway, you may kiss the bride.
Bowe: Wait!
Fara puckers up
Bowe: I want my lawyer!
Suddenly, there’s a loud crash as someone falls through the roof.
Vyse: I finally landed! I’ve broken all of my bones, but at least I escaped that interviewer. He looks up, to see a church full of interviewers
Vyse: AAAHHH!!!
He runs away.
Firiel: How does he run with broken bones?
Cloud: Hey, that’s my job! Falling through church roofs…
Fara: Let’s get on with it. Stop sneaking away.
Bowe: (I missed my last chance!)
Duo: Kiss the bride.
Suddenly, a messenger comes in.
Messenger: Wait! This letter is for Bowe, and is to be delivered before he gets married.
Bowe opens it.
Bowe: It’s from the top authorities! It says ‘Proceed with the marriage.’
Fara: Ha!
Bowe: (I missed my last chance!)
IamErtai: Who’s the top authorities?
Duo: Kiss the bride!
Roy: Wait! Stop!
He runs up to the altar.
Duo: What?
Roy: You look very familiar…
Duo: Hey, you’re that crazy guy who wanted to-
Roy: KILL YOU!!!
Duo: Aahh!!
Roy: Get back here!
Everyone watches as Roy chases Duo all over the church.
Zeratul: This is stupid.
Duo: Tails! Get him!
Tails leaps on Roy and hangs on and doesn’t let go.
Roy: Hey get off! I’ve gotta kill Duo!
Tails: No.
Roy: Dang.
Duo: Now back to the wedding. Kiss her already!
Bowe: (I missed my last chance! Gotta think of something…)
Roy: Too late!
Fara kisses Bowe on the lips.
Bowe: NO!!!!!
Duo: And that’s all- Wait, Tails! You forgot the part where they put on rings!
Tails: My bad. Say ‘Have you the ring?’
Duo: What he said.
Fara: Yep.
Bowe: I don’t! So we can’t get married!
Fara: I have an extra. You can pay me back.
Bowe: (I missed my last chance!)
Fara put her ring on, and forces the other one on Bowe.
Roy: Well, it official.
Fox: YAY!!! YAHOO!!!
Bowe: no… this can’t- He faints.
Tails: Has he fainted with joy?
Roy: I don’t think so.
----
Meanwhile, at Krazoa palace…
----
Bowe: Wakes up. Huh? Was the wedding all a dream?
Inuyasha: No, this is the dream. In reality, you’re married to Fara.
Bowe: NO!!!!! I missed my last chance!!
----
Bowe wakes up back in the church.
Bowe: No…wait, where is everyone?
Duo: The reception.
Bowe looks sadly at his ring
Bowe: Sigh, I’ll join them.
Duo: Good luck with your, heh heh, marriage! BWAHAHA!!!!
----
Much time later at a motel
----
Fara: I’m bored! Why don’t we do something instead of sitting around watching cable? I thought our honeymoon would be a ride on the Delphinus!
Bowe: Shh, I’m on the phone. So Roy, the only way I can think of is a divorce.
Vincent aims at Bowe
Vincent: You do, and I’ll hunt you down, boy.
Bowe: Scratch that.
Roy: Hmm, the only way I see it is- Wait!
Bowe: What? What is it?
Roy: You have now but one choice: the ring must be destroyed.
Bowe: And I thought I could get through an interview without you quoting LOTR…
Roy: That’s my advice, but I gotta go, my bachelor stew is done.
Hangs up.
Fara: C’mon, let’s go have a romantic dinner somewhere, or something!
Bowe: I’m not very hungry. I think I’d barf even if I don’t eat anything…
Fara: Take me, or face blood claws of death.
Bowe: OK!
Fara: That’s better.
----
And so, Bowe takes Fara to a nearby restaurant.
----
Waiter: Oui, will you see zee menu?
Bowe: I don’t want anything…
Fara: I’ll have the most expensive dish you’ve got!
Waiter: Oui, cominhg wight awp!
Bowe: Why did you’re accent suddenly get thicker?
Waiter: I relly dunno…
The waiter leaves. After a few hours, he comes back with a meal bigger than the table.
Fara: Wow…
Bowe: I hope you can finish that… And stop kicking me!
Fara: I’m not kicking- oh, forget it.
She takes a bite.
Fara: OK, I’m done.
Bowe: Huh?!
Fara: Waiter! He’ll take the bill now!
Bowe: Me?!?!
Waiter: Oui! Zee bell!
He gives Bowe the bill.
Bowe: $400,000?!?!?!
Waiter: Oui!
Bowe: I don’t have that much!!!
Waiter: Doo bad!
----
Many days later…
----
Bowe: If I ever have to wash another dish again, it will be 400,000 millenniums too soon.
Fara: Well, I’m not doing it in our house.
Bowe: We’re not going have a dish washer?!
Fara: Until we get one, that is.
Bowe: GRR…
Fara: Wait! We’ve forgotten something important!
Bowe: What.
Fara: If we’re married, I want children!
Bowe: Wha?! If we had children, they’d be horrible, deformed little fox kids!!
Fara: That would be so cute!!!
Bowe: Uh oh…
Fara: Now I want kids more than ever!
Just then, the telephone rings.
Bowe: I’ll get it! (Saved by the bell!)
Fara: Hmmph. You told the phone to ring just then didn’t you?!
Bowe: Hello?
???: Meet me at the E.V.I.L. train station at ten. You’ll know me when you get there.
*Click*
Clock: 9:58 pm.
Bowe: I’ve got to go somewhere.
Fara: Oh, how convenient. But you’re not going anywhere without me.
Bowe: Fine, come with. I’m in a hurry, so we can’t stop.
When they get to the train station, they find out there’s a department store right next to it.
Fara: I’m going in here!
Bowe: Well, if I have to get on a train, I’m leaving without you.
But Fara had already gone in. Bowe looks at the station, and sees a male of 16 years, wearing a trench coat, and a young fox clinging to his right arm.
Bowe: Why are you in disguise, Roy? And why is Tails still holding in to you?
Roy: Ever since the wedding, he hasn’t let go. I thought you knew. I’m disguised to trick from your wife. But hurry, we’ve got to catch the last train!
Bowe: To where?
Roy: Ah, you’ll see…
Tails: Mordor.
Roy: Shut up! It was a surprise!!
Bowe: Why are we going there??
Roy: You’ll see…
Bowe: Anything to get away from Fara!
He gets on board. Roy follows him, and gives the ticketman two tickets. The Ticketman points to Tails.
Roy: Oh, plush toy.
The Ticketman throws him a suspicious look and leaves. Roy goes with Bowe to an empty stall, and closes the door
Bowe: OK Roy, explain why we’re going to Mordor.
Roy: Isn’t it obvious? We have to throw your wedding ring in Mt. Doom, and you’ll be free!
Bowe: Roy, we could have just hit it with an axe until it broke.
Roy: The ring?
He raises eyebrow.
Roy: Or the axe???
Bowe: Oh boy…
Tails: What’s a mordor?
Roy: Tails, what a-
The door opens.
Ron: Super wimpy scared terrified voice. can we panic now??? why couldn’t it’ve been follow the butterflies???
Bowe: Wha-?
Ron: Oh sorry, wrong compartment.
He Leaves.
Tails: That was weird…
Roy: I expected someone from Lord of the Rings to come in…
The door opens again.
Neville: Have you seen Toad?
Bowe: No…
Neville: Then I have no use for you!
Leaves.
Tails: Why are so many Harry Potter characters here?
Harry himself comes in.
Harry: How will you guys do anything without a wand?
Roy: Wait! We’re on the wrong train! Turn it around!
Harry: Turn a train around??
Bowe: I guess we’ll have to learn wizardry…
Tails: Yay!
Roy: I might come in handy on our journey to Mordor…
Harry: Mordor? That’s just a little further on from Hogwarts!
Roy: Excellent!
----
They get to Hogwarts.
Roy: Hurry! We must waste no time at a magic school! To Mordor!
Tails: But I want to learn magic!
Roy: Not now!
Tails: Can I at least get one of those tall wizard hats?
Looks at Roy with big round eyes.
Roy: Oh, fine.
Tails: Yay!
He buys and puts on his hat.
Bowe: Get on with it!
----
And so, the long, perilous journey to Mt. Doom began. (As if this interview isn’t long enough…)
Bowe: Mordor…I hope the others find a safer route…
Tails: What others?
Roy: Don’t worry; Strider will look after them.
Tails: Who’s Strider?
Bowe: I don’t suppose we’ll ever see them again.
Roy: We may, Mr. Bowe, we may.
Bowe: Roy, I’m glad you’re with me.
Tails: What are you guys talking about??
Roy stuffs Tails headfirst into his hat.
Roy: That’s for interrupting a Lord of the Rings quote!
Bowe: Huh? Was I just helping you in your LOTR quote?
Roy: No.
Bowe: Hmm, I must have dreamt it.
Roy: Heh, heh.
Bowe What’s so funny?
Roy: Oh nothing…
Tails: Mmph!
They continue on into Mordor.
Bowe: Shouldn’t we encounter Gollum now?
Roy: I guess Tails will have to do.
Roy takes Tails out of the hat, and ties a rope around his neck.
Tails: What are you doing?? I want my hat back!
Roy: Let go of me and lead the way to Mt. Doom!
Tails: I’m not letting go! Ever!
Roy: Then how am I going to go to the bathroom?!
Tails: Akch! But I mustn’t let go!
Roy: How am I going to shower?! How am I going to use my sword properly!
Tails: Not listening!
Roy: Ha! You quoted Gollum! Now let go!
Tails: GRR…Never!
Roy: Hey Bowe! Bowe-?
Bowe had gone on far into the dead marshes already.
Roy: Wait!
----
A bunch o’ time later.
----
Roy: There’s the gate of Mordor!
Tails: You think Bowe went in there?
Roy: No, after seeing this, he must have gone to the Oliphaunt!
Tails: Uh, whatever…
Roy runs toward the Oliphaunt.
Bowe: Wait! I’m still stuck in the pebbles! I know, I’ll tunnel out! He digs towards the Oliphaunt. And, after a while, comes up under Roy.
Roy: Ah! There you are!
Tails: Look! It’s the Oliphaunt!
Bowe: I see. What do we do now?
Roy: Um, we get captured.
Just as he says that, they are captured, tied up, and taken to a waterfall place.
Tails: Roy, who caught us?
Roy: Fa-
???: Faramir. Or, shall I say, Fara-mir!
Bowe: NO!!!!!
Fara: Now where do you think you’re going, honey?
Bowe: Let us go!!!
Fara: I’ll give you one more chance: Tell me if you’re running away from me, or face The Picture!
Bowe: Grr!!
Fara: What will it be?
Bowe: Well I don’t have a choice! If I do admit that I was running from you, you’ll kill me, and if I-
Fara: Ah ha! So you did run from me!
Bowe: Wait, I, um, didn’t say that! I was just going to Mt. Doom to-
Fara: Throw your wedding ring in the crater so you can get away from me?
Tails: yes.
Bowe: No!
Fara: You can’t hide it from me! Guard! The picture!
A guard gives Fara the picture.
Bowe: Just don’t show it to Roy and Tails!
Fara: I’ll consider it, if you kiss me.
Bowe: What?! No- wait, if I don’t they’ll see the picture…
Roy: Don’t do it! I wanna see this picture!
Tails: Do it! I wanna live long!
Bowe makes a very weird face; kind of like a Wobbafett, and kisses Fara.
Fara: There now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?
Bowe Yes it was!
Fara: Guard! Did you get it?
Guard: Yes Ma’am! Gives Fara her camera.
Bowe: No!!!
Fara: Well, now I’ll leave you boys here for a while.
She leaves and locks the door.
Tails: Now she has two pictures.
Bowe: You think I don’t know that?! Don’t talk to me, I must find a way out of this place.
Tails: But-
Bowe: Silence!
Roy: But he’s trying to tell you that he can reach your rope with his tail and could untie you!
Tails: No, I was going to say that I just wet your armor.
Roy: TAILS!!! sigh…
Bowe: Tails, hurry up and untie me!
Tails: But I can’t reach your rope! Roy just made that up!
Bowe: Grr… Roy, how did Frodo and Sam escape again?
Roy: They were set free after being taken to Gondor.
Bowe: No chance of being set free…
Tails: I know of one way!
Bowe: Tell me!
Tails: If you just tell Fara that you’re sorry and settle down with her and raise a family.
Bowe: Never! I must get to Mount Doom!!
Roy: Now don’t get angry…
Limit break: Anti-capture.
Suddenly, Bowe Roy and Tails appear at the foot of Mt. Doom.
Roy: Hey! I wanted to go to Gondor!
Bowe: Too bad. Now my friends, to the top!
----
The cave
----
Guard: Ma’am, the prisoners have escaped!
Fara: Damn it… We must get to Mt. Doom as fast as possible!
----
Mt. Doom
----
Roy: We’re at the top! Bowe, throw in the ring.
Bowe takes off his ring, and throws in nothing. He hadn’t gotten the ring off. He tries to get it off, but it won’t come.
Bowe: It’s stuck!
Roy: Just our luck.
Tails: I think I stepped in some muck.
Bowe: What should I do?!
Tails: Looks back. Uh-oh, Bowe! Look!!
They all look backwards.
Roy: Ahck! Fara and her army are coming towards us!!!
Bowe: W-what?! What do I do?!
Roy: Go down and dip your finger in the lava!
Bowe: No! I’ve got to get it off!
Roy: Bowe, Tails and I are going down to try to hold them off.
Tails: We are?
Roy races down the mountain.
Bowe: If I don’t get this ring off, I’ll have to spend the rest of my life with Fara!! NO!!!
Limit Break: Ring come off.
Bowe: Cool!
The ring falls down into the lava. Bowe runs down the mountain.
Bowe: Roy! Fall back; it’s over!
Roy: You did it!
They run away.
Commander: Ma’am, there getting away!
Fara: Let them go. I’ll get my revenge soon enough.
Bowe, Roy, and Tails head back to Bowe’s house.
Roy: So, how did you get the ring off?
Bowe: I used another limit break.
Tails: Is it just me, or are your limit breaks just to move the plot on?
Bowe: Shut up.
----
And so the heroes prevailed in the end and all was well. But still they are not safe. For Bowe Ootini is still an interviewer.
Bah, you all should know all the copyrights by now, unless you’re stupid. So, until next time, Good-night!