Bowe is sitting in his house, on his bed, with his face in his hands.
Bowe: Well, here I am, about to interview Katt, and if I don’t, I won’t be able to do my own interviews anymore.
Suddenly, a plot hole opens, and a very large number of male interviewers come out.
Random male interviewers: Why can’t we interview Katt?!
Bowe: I don’t know! Go away, I’m trying to relax!
They go away, grumbling.
Bowe: But, they’re right, why couldn’t one of them get this interview? Sighs. I wish this interview had never come to me. I wish that none of this had happened. Well, there’s nothing I can really do about it…
Roy comes in.
Bowe: Roy! You are going to help me with this interview!
Roy: No I’m not. What’s in it for me?
Bowe: The Sword of Seals.
Roy: When do we start?
A messenger runs on.
Messenger: This letter is to be escorted to the interviewer, Bowe Ootini, and to be read by him to make a reply, so that tired, old messenger can bring that back to the sender of the first letter in the first place…
Bowe: OK, OK, I get the point.
All this time, the messenger has being running in place. Bowe takes his letter.
Roy: What’s it say?
Bowe: “Interviewer Bowe, you will despair, because you are now unable to do this interview.” What?! This is great!
Roy: Go on!
Bowe: “You can’t do an interview if you have no one to interview!” Huh? “I think that Monroe could use help from you, Bowe, her Bowe, her Beau” AAAHH! NOOO!!!
Roy: Who cares? It’s obviously from a mad overlord, so he’s gonna insult you!
Bowe: Angrily. “And if you don’t come in twenty-four hours, you’ll never see you fiancé ever again! Ha ha!” GRRR! You! Who sent this?!
Messenger: It was a tall man who specifically told me not to mention his name to you.
Roy: Well, we’d better hurry!
Bowe: Why?! I don’t care about Katt! If she wanted to get captured and die, it’s her problem! Who cares?
Roy: Falco.
Bowe: When do we start?
Roy: Right now.
He picks up the Sword of Seals, and shoves it in his sheath.
Roy: We travel light. Let us hunt some orc.
Bowe: Roy, please… let’s just go.
Bowe and Roy get up and walk out the door dramatically. Bowe causally casts aside the letter.
Messenger: Running in place. Oh, OK, I’ll just stay here then.
----
Back to Bowe.
Roy: You might want this.
He Gives Bowe a sword.
Bowe: Hey, cool! It’s so light!
Roy: Yes, yes, made by the elves, you know. By the way, do you have any idea where she is?
Bowe: I thought you would.
They shrug at each other.
Roy: Why don’t we follow that river of orcs?
Bowe: Roy, enough with the orcs.
Roy: No, look!
Bowe peeks over a rock.
Bowe: Those aren’t orcs, those are chameleons!
Roy: Why are there thousands of chameleons running around here?
Bowe: Well, this is suspicious; let’s follow ‘em.
After an hour of following, they come to a dark fortress of death with a moat of lava and high towers that cut though the black clouds.
Roy: I wouldn’t be surprised if there were orcs here.
Bowe: This place is so cool!
Roy: It’s quite cool…
Bowe: Let’s go!
Roy: Go?
Bowe: Yeah, into the castle of ultimate darkness.
Roy: Bowe you stupid person who’s stupid! You can’t just barge into a place like this!
Bowe: Why?
Roy: Because it’s black gates are guarded by more than just orcs! And the great eye is ever watchful!
Bowe: Taking you to see Lord of the Rings was a mistake.
Roy: And that’s just how it is. Follow me; I’m good at this.
Roy and Bowe march up to the entrance.
Roy: Low voice. We request permission to enter!
Blind Chameleon Guard: Permission granted!
They go in.
Roy: It always works!
They come to a large room. There is a door at the other side. Roy pokes his head out of it, and is shot at with two arrows. They hit the door, which is immediately closed.
Roy: They have a cave troll.
Bowe: Great
Roy draws his sword; Bowe puts an arrow to his Bowe Bow and aims at the door. It is suddenly smashed down by a hand full of chameleons, which then attack. Bowe shoots one though the head, and pulls out the sword that Roy had given him, it’s glowing blue.
Cave troll: Raaa!
After most of the chameleons are dead, the cave troll pokes Bowe with a spear.
Bowe: Ow! Oo! Ouch! Oh!
Bowe then shots an arrow down the cave troll’s throat.
Cave troll: Ahh! Urg naah wha! (Translation: Eww, this tastes terrible!)
Cave troll dies from the bad taste, and drops a helmet that he did not have.
Roy: Are you OK? Because that spear thrust could have skewered a wild Bowe!
Bowe: Grrr.
Roy takes helmet the troll did not have.
Roy: Wow! It’s just like an RPG!
Bowe puts on helmet
Bowe: C’mon, up those stairs.
They go up the stairs, and get to a large torture room. There is a dark figure tying some rope.
Roy: (Whispering) What’s this all about?
Bowe: (Whispering) How should I know?
Dark Figure: Now tell me!
Female Voice: Never!
ZAP
Female Voice: AAAHH!!!
Bowe: (Whispering) That’s Katt, but who’s the Dark Figure?
Dark Figure: TELL ME!
Katt: No!
ZAP
Katt: AAAAAHHRRG!!!
Roy: (Whispering) What are they talking about?
Bowe: (Whispering) How should I know?
Dark Figure: TELL ME NOW!!!
Katt: All right, it’s…
She glances over and sees Bowe and Roy.
Katt: ….On the other hand, I won’t tell you.
Dark Figure: WHAT?! WHY?! TELL ME! NOW!!!
Katt winks at Bowe.
Roy: (Whispering) I think she’s trying to say ‘ATTACK!!!!!’
Bowe: Ya’ don’t say.
He jumps out and draws his sword.
Leon: Who are you?!
Bowe: I know who you are,
Leon: What?
Bowe: A dark figure!
Bowe and Roy fall down laughing.
Leon: I…don’t…get it.
Katt: Save me already!
Bowe: Sheesh, fine.
Bowe chops the ropes while Roy fights Leon. Bowe breaks the window while Roy fights Leon. Bowe picks up Katt while Roy fights Leon. Bowe jumps out the broken window while Roy fights Leon. Finally, Roy jumps out the window.
Katt: Oh, thank you thank youthankyou!
Bowe: Sure.
Katt: Remove your helmet so I can see your face!
Bowe: Uh, no.
Katt: Why?
Bowe: Because it just got stuck! I can’t get it off!
Katt: Oh, c’mon!
Grabs his helmet. Bowe does too.
Bowe: Hey! Let go!
Katt: Look; if you take it off, I’ll give you a kiss!
Bowe: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Runs off.
Roy: Hey, wait up!
Katt: No doubt who they were, those two were the only boys in the universe who don’t like Katt!
----
Roy and Bowe reach his house, and collapse on his bed.
Bowe: Roy, so far, this interview with Katt may be the only one where she hasn’t kissed me!
Roy: I still like the dark figure joke!
Bowe closes his eyes.
Bowe: I’m not worried now.
Roy: I suggest we SHOULD recover our strength.
Bowe: Quit it with the Lord of the Rings references!
Roy: There’s no need to get angry.
Bowe: Well if I’m angry, it’s your fault! (New Line Cinema; Please don’t sue us -:ed.)
All Nintendo thing that are © to Nintendo are © to Nintendo.
Bowe, who is © to Bowe, is © to Bowe.
Orcs, among other things, are © to J.R.R. Tolkien.
Next interview will be Roy!