Bowe: Well, here we are, about to interview Leon.
Roy: Hey! Backwards his name is Noel!
Bowe: Uh, Yeah. It is.
Roy: What? Was he born on anti-christmas or something?!
Bowe: What are you talking about?
Roy: Maybe he goes to the houses of evil kids on June 25th and give them torture tools!!!
Bowe: I think it’s just a coincidence.
Roy: I just know he’s gonna torture us!
Bowe: I doubt it.
Roy: He’ll strap us down and torture us with-
Bowe: Well, he should be here by now…
Roy: Tiny killer crabs!!!!!!!!!!
Bowe: Tiny…killer…crabs? What on earth are you talking about?
Roy: I just made them up! He’ll come at us, with the tiny killer crabs in hand, and they’ll pinch us to death!
Bowe: Please, switch to ‘Lord of the Rings mode.’
Roy: Whatever you say! You know, when Gandalf and Saruman are battling, they shouldn’t have made Gandalf look like he was break dancing all over.
Bowe: OK.
Roy: And they shouldn’t have made Bree seem so gloomy, and the Prancing Pony so much like some place Wolf would go on Friday night.
Bowe: Leon had better hurry up…
Roy: And after Boromir dies, I saw one of the dead orcs move!
Bowe: You know, I’m not listening. I’m waiting for Leon.
Roy: And I think in the scene were Sam says ‘If I take one more step, it will be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.’ I think in the background, there was a car!
Bowe: Sigh.
Roy: Can you believe that?! I mean, I would have done another take!!!
Leon: Bursts in.
Leon: Make this quick, OK?
Roy: Leon! Did you hear that someone thought Sam was going to be a girl?!?!?!
Bowe: Ah, Leon, the Dark Figure.
Roy stops mid sentence, to fall over laughing. Bowe joins him.
Leon: I…still…don’t…get…it.
Bowe: Oh, hee, it’s just really funny.
Out side the window they hear a rustle in the grass.
Roy: Get down!
Bowe and Leon drop to the floor. Roy draws his sword, and pummels the person outside.
Person outside: Ow!
Roy grabs the person outside and throws him on the table.
Roy: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee! Have you been eavesdropping?!
Bowe: Uh, Roy, that’s not Sam you’re holding…
Roy turns to look at the person now inside.
Roy: YIKES!!! Lets go right then.
Bowe: And what exactly were you doing outside my window?
Katt: I wanted to hear you guys arguing over which one of you I liked.
Bowe and Roy: OH, EWWWWW!!!!!
Leon: Well, if they don’t want you…
Katt: You wanted to torture me!
Bowe: Katt,
Katt: Yeah?
Bowe: Why don’t you just go away? I’m trying to do an interview.
Katt: Why can’t I stay?
Bowe: Because this is my house, and you’re trespassing.
Katt: Well, Roy pulled me in!
Roy: I-I, uh, I th-thought you…were Sam!
Katt: Confused. Who?
Roy: Sam! Samwise Gamgee! Frodo’s best friend!
Katt: I haven’t heard of them.
Roy: Aaaaahhh! I can’t believe it! I feel faint!
He falls down.
Katt: Do you need mouth to mouth resuscitation?
He springs up
Roy: Wow, I feel much better already!
Bowe: Glad to hear it. Now Leon, why do you like torture?
Leon: Why does Young Link like milk?
Bowe: Good comeback.
Suddenly, a plot hole opens, and drops them all in Cosmo Canyon.
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Nanaki!!!
Red XIII: What now?!
Bugenhagen: Oh, I just like to say that!
Red XIII: Groans. Well, please refrain.
Bowe: On with the interview. Leon…
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Leon!!!
Bowe: What the-
Bugenhagen: I just like to say that!
Roy: Hey, who’s that?
Gary: I’m…
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Gary!!!
Gary:…Gary Oak!
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Albert!!!
Bowe: Wha…who?
Albert: Me.
Bowe: And who are you?
Albert: Oh, I’m just the guy who no one really knows, and if someone does, It’s not a very strong relationship at all. Like Gary.
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Gary!!!
Bowe: What’s that guy’s problem?
Red XIII: I do not know. He has been doing that all his life. Seto, my father, says his first words were, ‘Ho, ho, ho, I’ve a beard!!!’ And the funny thing is, he did have a beard then.
Bowe: And he’s grown it out to that?
Red XIII: Yep.
Bowe: Mr. Uh, what’s your name?
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Bugenhagen!!!
Bowe: Whatever, why don’t you have any legs?
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, I traded them in, when I was a little lad, for this beard!!!
Bowe: OK…
Roy: And why are you here?
Gary: I dunno. But this place is better than the lost woods!
Red XIII looks at Katt.
Red XIII: What is your name?
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Katt!!!
Red XIII: How would you…
Katt: I’m Katt.
Red XIII:…know? Oh, well may I tell you, Katt, your blue eyes against this orange sunset look very beautiful.
Katt: Oh, thank you.
Red XIII: And your whiskers are simply radiant.
Katt: Woo, how nice of you.
Bowe: I’m getting out of here before I vomit.
Roy: Same with me.
Gary: I’m with you guys!
They go into one of the many caves in the cliff.
Roy: Hey, we have to finish the interview!
Bowe: You’re right. Go get Leon.
Roy: Me? Why can’t you?
Bowe: Look, you’re my assistant, go get him!
Roy: Gary should!
Gary: Why?
Roy: You know this place better than any of us.
Gary: No, you brought this interview here, you get him!
Bowe: Oh, very well. Bowe goes out, and comes back in immediately.
Roy: Where’s Leon?
Bowe: I am not going out there!!!
Gary: Why?
Bowe: Katt and Red XIII are kissing!!!!!
Gary: Oh.
Roy: Yuck! Kissing!!!
Bowe: It seems Leon and Bugenhagen and…uh, that other guy take no notice!
Roy: Well, be glad it’s not you.
Gary: So what happens now?
Roy: Since we can’t interview Leon…
Bowe: We’ll interview you.
Gary: Whatever.
Bowe: Now Gary, what do you think of Ash?
Gary: Aw, he’s just a little brat. He is totally obsessed with his Pokémon, he’s always killing Jessie and James for almost no reason, and he never does anything exiting, like go on adventures.
Bowe: Adventures?
Gary: Yeah, all he does is just helps stupid old geezers and stupid Pokémon ‘fulfill their dreams.’ Boring.
Bowe: And what do you do?
Gary: Heck, I do tons of things! I destroy large amounts of concentrated evil, while, at the same time, saving millions of innocent lives!!!
Roy: Cool!
Gary: Just when I was just two, I braved the griffin’s talons, and fought my way out of his lair!
Bowe: Wait, just when did you do this?
Gary: I don’t do this on the show, Of course. Way too much violence for the general public.
Bowe: OK.
Gary: You do notice that I am not even on the show that much.
Bowe: I guess that might make sense.
Roy: I have a question!
Gary: What?
Roy: Can I go with you on your adventures?
Bowe: Currently not.
Roy: Why?!
Bowe: Because then I’ll have to face Katt by myself! She seems to follow me!
Red XIII comes in.
Red XIII: She does?! I am going with you, Bowe.
Bugenhagen comes in.
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Bowe!!!
Roy: Since Red XIII is going with you, can I go with Gary???
Bugenhagen: Ho, ho, ho, Nanaki!!! Ho, ho, ho, Gary!!!
Pause.
Bowe: Oh, fine.
Roy: YES!!!!! Gary Oak, You have my sword and you have my bow…
Bowe: Wha? Hey!
Gary and Roy run off out of the cave. Then Bowe and Red XIII leave.
Leon: Hey, what about me?
Nintendo things are © to Nintendo.
Squaresoft things are © to Squaresoft.
Bowe is © to Bowe, as always.
Next, I interview Bill!