Reader: Huh? I thought you were going to interview Wolf!
Bowe: I did too, but he yelled ‘AAAHH!!! I’m not being interviewed anymore!!! RUN!!!!!’
Roy: And he…he got away. Cough.
Bowe: So just for that, I won’t tell you whom I’m interviewing next at the bottom. BTW, How much longer till we get to Dino planet?
Pilot: Just wait!
Bowe: This is Bowe, coming to you from the cockpit of one of the most sophisticated vessels in all of Lylat, headed to Dinosaur Planet, to interview General Scales!
Roy: Ermph…
Bowe: Uh, and Roy isn’t taking it to well…
Roy: Are you sure there aren’t any more barf bags?
Co pilot: Nope, no more.
Bowe: I know, hey Roy!
Roy: What…
Bowe: Take this.
He hands him a big piece of paper.
Roy: Wow, I feel much better. I’m going to look at it all day. Thank you, Bowe. And thank you, three people who Bowe won’t tell who you are. And, of course, thank you, Peter.
Co-co Pilot: What is that?
Bowe: A Lord of the Rings poster.
Co Pilot: Ah, but of course.
Roy: And the best one.
Bowe: You say that about all of them. Now, back to work. How much longer till we get there?
Pilot: Wait!!!
Bowe: Maybe if we went faster than 15 miles per hour.
Pilot: I know what I’m doing!
Tails: Flies by. Someone call me?
Co Pilot: No.
Tails: Oh. Flies away.
Bowe: Look! Even he is flying faster than us! Speed up!!!
Pilot: Only if you shut up!
Bowe: Whatever.
They increase speed.
Bowe: Whoopie. 16 MPH.
Pilot: What did I tell you?!
Bowe: Fine.
20,000,000 years later, Light Foot village.
Bowe: Gets out of ship. Finally!
Roy: Ow! I think I broke my old-man-feeble-spine when I got out.
Pilot: Pay up!
Bowe: No way! If you had brought us here in less than a month, I would think about it.
Co-co Pilot: A month?!?!?!?!?!
Co Pilot: Who do you think we are?!?!?! Flash Gordon?!?!?!
Bowe: We should’ve hired that nice wide eye boy…
----
Flashback!!!
----
Bowe: So, how fast can your, uh, ship…thing…go?
Duo: Oh, about 50,000 MPH.
Bowe: Well Roy, how about this guy?
Roy: NO WAY!!!!!
Bowe: Uh, OK…
Duo: Hey dude, calm down. If you don’t want me to fly you there, I won’t.
Bowe: Yeah, I guess not.
Roy: DIE!!!!!!!!!!
Back to the future.
Bowe: Why did you want to kill him?
Roy: I don’t want to talk about it.
Co Pilot: Pay up already!
Bowe: Oh, fine! Catch.
Bowe throws him a tennis ball.
Co Pilot: Oh my- Look!!! Look what I got!!! Look what he gave me!!! And just for a short hot-air balloon ride!!!!!
Bowe: Oh. So that’s why we were going so slow. It was a hot air balloon.
Roy: Wait, there’s only one person I know that would get so exited about a tennis ball! It’s Team Rocket!!!
Jessie: And we weren’t even in costumes.
Meowth: That took you long enough to figure out!
James: At least I got a tennis ball!
Meowth: And at least it’s nice and round!
Roy: I thought James collected bottle caps. Bowe? Hey where did he go? And how come we haven’t aged at all?
Jessie: So long, twerp!
Team Rocket begins to fly away.
Roy: They’re slowly getting away!
James: We don’t even have your pikachu!
Roy: I don’t even have a pikachu.
Jolteon’s Disembodied Voice: And it had better stay that way!
Roy: Why am I even concerned that they’re getting away?
Meowth: Bye!
Roy: I’ve got to find Bowe!!! Intense, fast music begins. It’s not like he’s in mortal danger or something! Music stops. But it’s possible he is. Same music begins. Stop that!
----
Meanwhile…
----
Light foot: Watch out for my three babies!
Bowe: Look, I just want directions to General Scales!
Light Foot: I think they are in the forest!
Bowe: General Scales is just one guy.
Light Foot: No, my three babies!
Bowe: No no no!!!
Light Foot: You said three nos, three !s,
Bowe: What are talking about?!
Light Foot: Three babies???
Bowe: AAAHH!!! I’ll just find General Scales myself!
Goes anywhere but the forest.
Light Foot: Watch out for my three babies!
Roy: Comes in. Did Bowe or General Scales come through here?
Light Foot: I think they are in the forest!
Roy: Thanks! Runs towards the forest.
Light Foot 2: Comes in. My babies are so naughty!
Light Foot: Watch out for my three babies!
Light Foot 2: They like to play underground!
Light Foot: I think they are in the forest!
----
Back to someone with a slight sign of sanity…
----
Bowe: Where is he? And where’d Roy go?
Thorn Tail: Hello!
Bowe: Not now-
Thorn Tail: Please light our beacons!
Bowe: Go away.
Thorn Tail: But we be scared of the dark!!!
Bowe: Ar, we be scared of the dark! Ahoy matey! Shiver me timbers! Let’s us go bury our bootie! Ar, har, har! Mine ship’s no ship for sissies!
Thorn Tail: AAAHGG!!! A PIRATE!!!!! Runs away.
Bowe: Whoa, it worked. Cool.
----
Meanwhile again…
----
Roy: Hmm, I’ve been separated from Bowe. That means he can’t order me around. That means I can do whatever I want…think WHERE’S THE MOVIE THEATER?!?!?!?!?!
---
About an hour later…
----
Frodo: He’s brought us this far.
Sam: Frodo, no…
Roy: Stands up. DON’T TRUST HIM!!! HE’S EVIL!!!!!
Voice: Hey, dude, do you mind?
Roy: But Frodo needs my help!!!
Voice: Maybe, but I’m trying to listen.
Roy: Humph. Hey I know your voice…
Voice: What?
Roy: Yes, it was…20,000,000 years ago…you, you’re Duo!
Duo: Yeah. And you’re that guy with the sword who was trying to kill- me-
Roy: DIE!!!!!
Duo: WAAAHH!!!
Roy: Wait. We’ve got to finish the movie. Truce?
Duo: Uh, OK…
----
Back to Bowe.
----
Bowe: Do you know where General Scales is?
Tricky: Isn’t he a bad guy?
Bowe: Um, yeah.
Tricky: Bad guy!
Bowe: Yes.
Tricky: Bad guy!
Bowe: Where is he?
Tricky: Bad guy!
Bowe: Stoppit! Where is General Scales?!
Tricky: He’s a bad guy!
Bowe: Eyebrow twitches. So I’ve heard…
Tricky: Bad guy!
Bowe: I KNOW!!!!!
Tricky: Bad guy!
Bowe: RAAAAA!!! (Limit break: Annoying guy, die)
Tricky falls down.
Bowe: Cool! I didn’t know I could do that!
Tricky: Hey! you’re a bad guy!
Bowe: Bad Dino! Be dead!
Tricky: Oh, OK. Closes eyes.
----
The theater.
----
Gollum: Follow me.
Roy: Die Gollum!!! Die Duo!!!
Duo: Wait! We had a truce!!!
Roy: Only during the movie! Draws sword.
Duo: AAHG!!! Runs away.
Roy: Hey! Get back here!
Duo: But I don’t like the song at the ending credits.
Roy: Oh. Good point. Chases Duo.
----
Now, it’s Bowe.
----
Bowe: On the very top of the highest mountain in snowhorn wastes. DOESN’T ANYONE KNOW WHERE GENERAL SCALES IS?!?!?!?!
General Scales: No.
Bowe: I’ll never find him.
General Scales: Sadly Man, I wish I could do something to help you.
Bowe: Sniff…
General Scales: Oh, please don’t cry. Then I’d start to cry.
Bowe: Wait! You’re General Scales!
General Scales: Uh, yeah… Oh! By jove, we found him!!! Good us!
Bowe: Well, let’s get down to business…I was sent from my planet to yours to interview you.
General Scales: NOOOOO!!!!!
Bowe: Sadly Please?
General Scales: Aw, OK…
Bowe: Fine! First question, do you have any relation to Bowser?
General Scales: I don’t know. I’ve been stuck on this planet since as long as I can remember.
Bowe: Oh. Well, how about King K. Rool?
General Scales: Same answer.
Bowe: OK, what’s you’re favorite pokemon?
General Scales: SNEASEL!!!!!
Bowe: Why?
General Scales: Well, it’s a ‘sharpclaw’ pokemon, and its types are dark, ice.
Bowe: That makes sense.
----
Thorntail hallow…
----
Thorn Tail: Help! Save me!
A wolfen ship lands and Wolf comes out.
Wolf: Hello, dino, could you tell-
Thorn Tail: AAAAAHHH!!!!! Pirate reinforcements!!!!! Runs away.
Wolf: Oh…huh? Walks off in the other direction, scratching his head.
----
Meanwhile at Cloud Runner Fortress…
----
Duo: I think I lost him.
Roy: Come out! I know you’re here! You can’t hide forever! Why don’t you just fight me?!
Duo: I don’t have my gundam with me.
Roy: Well, why don’t you use your SPEAR?
Duo: I don’t have one!
Roy: Oh really? Is that so?
Duo: Yeah!
Roy: Then I must have been mistaking you for someone else. Good day! Leaves.
Duo: What???
----
Snow Horn.
----
Bowe: You know…
General Scales: What?
Bowe: This interview has been going quite nicely.
General Scales: Hmm…I guess so. But I wouldn’t really know.
Bowe: In fact, too nicely…
General Scales: Gasp! What will happen to us?!
Bowe: You can’t always be sure…
General Scales: Can you prevent it?
Bowe: I’ll try. Just answer my questions smoothly and without delay. What happened to you at the end of Star Fox Adventures while Fox was in space?
General Scales: Welltherestofthesharpclawbetrayedmeandknockedmeoutandthenextthingiknewiwasinahundredpiecesoneineachoftheirstomachs.
Bowe: You can delay more than that.
General Scales: Oh. Good.
Bowe: Can you repeat your answer? I didn’t understand the first time.
General Scales: They eat me.
Bowe: That whole thing was just ‘They ate me’ ?!?!?!
General Scales: Pretty much.
Bowe: Whatever…
General Scales: Ask me something else. It will get my mind off the fact that something chaotic, like a plothole, may come.
Bowe: AH! You said IT!
As the reader may have expected, a plothole opens, and Roy, Duo, Light Foot 1 and 2, Thorn Tail, Tricky, Wolf, Tails, Team Rocket, and Albert fall out.
General Scales: Did I do that?
Bowe: Yes…
Tails: Yah! My prayers have been answered!
Roy: What’s that?
Tails: Well, I was flying in space, no space ship or anything, and I ran out of air! My life flashed before my eyes! Then I appeared here!!!
Light Foot 1 and 2 simultaneously: Watch out for our three babies!!!
Thorn Tail: Look! There’s the pirate!
Tricky: Are pirates bad?
Thorn Tail: From what I’ve heard. That’s why I’m trembling with fear!
Tricky: Oh. Bad guy!
Light Foot 1 and 2 simultaneously: I think they are in the forest!
Tricky: Bad guy!
Albert: Where am I? And why am I surrounded by lunatics?
Meowth: Singing. My name is Meowth,
Albert: See what I mean?
Tricky: Bad guy!
Wolf: What the heck?
Tails: Praise the Good Lord! I live!
Duo: Good job, Tails!
Light Foot 1 and 2 simultaneously: Our babies are so naughty!
General Scales: This is giving me a headache.
Bowe: As an interview subject, you should get used to it.
Light Foot 1 and 2 simultaneously: They like to play underground!
This talking junk goes on for about an hour, until…
General Scales: Whoa! What’s that shaking?!
Roy: Earthquake!
Thorn Tail: No, I’m still trembling with fear.
Wolf: Well stop!
Thorn Tail: It’s your fault, Mr. Pirate!
Bowe: Wolf! Get out now!
Roy: You’re going to bring down the mountain!
But just then, the whole plateau everyone is standing on falls.
Roy: Told ‘ya.
Tails: Avalanche!
Barret: Comes up from the other side of the mountain. Yo! You call?
No answer; everyone fell.
Barret: Oh, guess not. Leaves.
----
Plateau.
----
Tricky: If this keeps up, I’ll die again!
Wolf: And this is my fault, how?
Duo: I think it’s because you’re missing an eye.
Wolf: Sheesh! How prejudiced!
Bowe: Do you even know what that means?
Wolf: Yeah, it means ‘thinking someone is a pirate when they aren’t.’
Roy: That’s not important now! We’re going to die!!!
General Scales: There must be something we can do!
Bowe: Aha! I’ve got it!
Roy: Got what?
Bowe: A plan! Duo! I need to ask you a favor.
Duo: What?
Bowe: Hit me.
Duo: What? Have you gone crazy?!
Bowe: Never mind! Just hit me!
Duo: Uh, OK, whatever…I’ll give you my best punch!
He punches him.
Duo: So what did that do?
Bowe: Breathes deeply for a while, and then… (Limit Break: Plot-hole Con-trol)
Right then, a huge plothole appears under the plateau, and it slides easily into it.
----
Starwing HQ…
----
Jolteon: Man, I’m bored. I wish something exiting would happen. But not anything I couldn’t handle, like say, a giant ice plateau, that suddenly appears out of the sky, and falls on my head, squishing…
Just on time, the plothole opens right above Jolteon.
SMASH!!!
Jolteon: Oh, the irony of it all…
Tails: Praise the Good Lord! I’ve done it again!
Duo: Good job, Tails!
Roy: Bowe, I didn’t know you could do Limit Breaks!
Bowe: Neither did I.
Light Foot: Thank you for saving my babies! Here is your reward! Gives Bowe a twig.
Bowe: We brought the Light foots with us???
Duo: Seems so.
Bowe: NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Runs off.
General Scales: Before the interview is done, I have a question for Roy. Why do you want to kill Duo?
Roy: Ahck! I almost forgot about that! DIE!!!
Duo: Runs. Nice going, Lizard face!
Albert: Maybe it’s because there wasn’t enough random death for him.
Duo runs away, and Roy chases.
Jolteon: Get it off me!!!
Well, that concludes one of the first interview on Dino Planet. I still don’t know why Roy wanted to kill Duo, but he said he’s a ‘four-legged freak.’ Another problem is two insane Light foot running around asking everyone to find their babies.
Thorn Tail: I’m safe form the pirates!
Tetra falls out of a plot hole.
Tetra: Hi. I’m a pirate.
Thorn Tail: AAAAAHHH!!!!!
Legal stuff.
I am copyrighted to me,
Jolteon is copyrighted to him,
Roy, Wolf, Team Rocket, and Tetra are copyrighted to Nintendo,
LOTR is copyrighted to LOTR,
Tails is copyrighted to Sega, (As is something else…)
Duo is copyrighted to whoever made Gundam,
Dino planet, General Scales, Thorn tails, Light foots, and Tricky are copyrighted to Rare.