Jigglypuff: Hi! I just got rid of the FBI and now it’s time for everyone’s favorite inconsistent interviewer, and I’m here to try and shake off that decadent reputation I have! So let’s drop by the Lylat System and get started before I get fired!
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Jigglypuff knocks on the door of the Great Fox, which is docked somewhere in the Lylat System
Peppy: Someone’s at the door! Why don’t you go answer it, Fox!
Fox: Why do I have to get it? Just because I’m the leader of the team? Slippy, go get the door.
Slippy: What, you think just because I’m short and you’re all tall you think you can just push me around!? I’m not getting it, let Falco get it!
Falco: Oh, so you’re discriminating against birds, now are you? Well I’m not getting it.
Slippy: I didn’t say anything bad about you, bird brain!
Falco: HEY!
Slippy: Whoops… okay, okay, I’ll get the door already.
Slippy opens the door to the Great Fox
Slippy: Oh, Jigglypuff. It’s you.
Jigglypuff: Hi Slippy. Mind if I come in?
Slippy: I don’t mind, make yourself at home.
Jigglypuff: Don’t mind if I do, or Star Wolf for that matter.
Slippy: What do you mean, ‘Star Wolf?’
Jigglypuff: Oh, I invited them over here for the interview, I’m sure you guys won’t mind.
Starfox Team: WHAT!?
Jigglypuff: Look, Venom’s an awfully long way from here, and you know how the oil prices cost an arm and a leg nowadays..
Fox: Wrong planet, Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff: *Sweatdrop* ……. Okay, so I’m lazy alright? There-you happy now?
Falco: We already know you’re lazy, Puffer. You’re long overdue for an interview.
Jigglypuff: That’s because I had to shake the FBI off of tail, they followed me all the way to Mt. Moon!! And besides, I do have a life outside of interviewing, ya’know!
Slippy: *GASP!* Really, Jigglypuff?
Jigglypuff: Slippy, you’re so naïve.
Slippy: No, I’m just cheerfully oblivious!
Slippy starts leaping around
Slippy: Weeeeeeeee!!
Jigglypuff: Um, Yeah whatever……. Hey! I think I just heard something- it must be Starwolf!
Andross walks in
Fox: Damnit, Slippy! You left the door unlocked again!
Slippy: Aw, I never do anything right…
Peppy: True, True.
Andross: Hey Jigglypuff, did the humans on Earth find the Weapons of Mass Destruction yet?
Jigglypuff: *Sighs* Well…
Andross: -Because if they didn’t, I‘ll help them look! I can even help them stow them away…
Fox: Yeah, we know what you’ll really do with them - you’ll "stow" them on a launcher in Venom pointed right at Corneria!
Andross: And so what if I do?
Jigglypuff: Look you two, it turns out there isn’t any weapons of mass destruction..
Andross: WHAT?!
Jigglypuff: But the humans did catch Sadaam Hussan...
Andross: *Sniff* I’m so disappointed.. That Bush guy really had my hopes up, too.
Jigglypuff: Hey I know! Let’s all watch Fahrenheit 9/11 for all of your Bush-Bashing needs!
President George W. Bush walks inside the Great Fox, along with Prime Minister Tony Blair
Peppy: Now you’ve done it. You really should of locked the door, Slip.
Jigglypuff: Um, so are we going to watch the film now or what?
Bush: Yeah! Let’s watch a movie about bashing a guy who has the same name as me! That really does sound like fun!
Tony: ……. You’re a moron. I can’t believe I supported you with the war…
Slippy: How are we going to see a movie from planet Earth?
Fox: We can pick up the movie through this magical tracker device that intercepts wavelengths from planet Earth!
Falco: "Magical tracker device?" Who came up with that corny name?
Jigglypuff: Hmm.. I wonder..
They watch Fahrenheit 9/11
Bush: Say, that was a pretty good movie.
Everyone: ……….
Tony: You’re out of your bloody mind! It was terrible!! I back you up, drag the United Kingdom into your spontaneous war, ruin my political career for only a measly cameo appearance?! I want my money back!
Jigglypuff: But you didn’t pay anything, we saw it for free, remember?
Tony: …….. Oh, right..
Bush: That guy in the movie looked just like me, and had almost identical life experiences as me!
Falco: Hey Einstein, that’s because he IS you.
Bush’s face turns to shock
Bush: HE WAS? …….Uh, none of that stuff I said about life experiences was true! It’s all lies! Lies I tell you!!
Jigglypuff rolls her eyes
Jigglypuff: Don’t worry Bush, I didn’t believe everything the movie said about you.
Bush: Thanks Jigglypuff. Say, want to send any of your Pokemon friends over to Iraq to join the coalition on the war on terror?
Jigglypuff: Uh, no…. but I did believe about 99% of it..
Bush: WHAT!? I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL HIT YOU WITH MY GOLF CLUB!
Jigglypuff: Take it easy Bush-I’m just joking, besides, the movie loses all credibility because it was entirely biased, plus everything you said they took out of context and the guy who made the movie is a fat slob who hates the country of America, even though he is one- making him a fat hypocritical slob…
Blair: Plus they only had me in there for like, 3 seconds.
Jigglypuff: …But what I really didn’t like about the movie was it was supposed to make me hate your slimy guts even more, not make me feel sorry for you.
Fox: Yeah, that must really suck, getting a movie made just for ridiculing you.
Falco: Well that’s because Bush really does suck.
Tony: Give him a break, he’s only a Texan..
Bush: *Nods* That’s right, I’m only a- HEY!
Andross: So Bush, your country is still at war in Iraq?
Bush: Certainly not! I declared the war ended like 10 years ago..
Tony Blair shakes his head in disgust
Tony: He doesn’t even remember…
Jigglypuff: Then why is it that coalition members keep getting killed almost every single day?
Bush: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
CNN Reporter: Here’s the news on Iraq: You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to anticipate this one- yes, that’s right!!! 7 more Soldiers just got killed in a convey attack! Wow! Like that never happened before!!
Jigglypuff glares at Bush
Bush: Uh, um… fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice.. Uh… shame on you..
Jigglypuff: You’re a sad one, Mr. President.
Fox: Jigglypuff, I thought this was supposed to be an interview with Star Wolf, not a chance for you to make a political statement.
Jigglypuff: I can do both, can’t I? And besides, Star Wolf isn’t here yet..
Andross: Oh yeah, that’s right. I had them raid Corneria while you talk to the Star Fox team..
Fox: WHAT!?
Bush: And I had the Collation raid Titania and Venom while you Andross, talk to Jigglypuff!
Andross: WHAT!?
Bush: Bin Laden might be hiding in the many caves of Venom.. And Titania is a big desert!
Jigglypuff: Yeah that’s right, I though Bin Laden was in Afghanistan, not Iraq.
Tony: Bush, you’re way off now as far as your calculations go. First, you invade the wrong country, now you’re invading the wrong solar system!!
Bush: Shhh.. I bet those two planets are just filled up with oil…
Andross: That does it! I’m going to kick your ass so hard It‘ll hurt your country’s economy even more than it already is!!
Andross gets tackled by the FBI
Andross: $%^#!!!
Jigglypuff: Oh my, why is it that almost all my interviews wind up into some kind of violent brouhaha?
Fox: Hey, cool! Andross just got arrested!
Andross: Ha! They have nothing against me! Besides, what will the American Supreme Court do to me? Murderers get off easy all the time! Haven’t you ever heard of the O.J. Simpson trial!? I’ll be back to kill all of you! Fwahahahahaha!!
Jigglypuff: Um, wow. This is really messed up. So messed up, in fact- I think I should get outta here since the Lylat System is being invaded by two different superpowers… I guess I’ll see Star Wolf after they’re through invading Coreneria and Bush is done invading Venom.
Fox: Oh crap! That’s right! We got to save Corneria again!
Slippy: To the bat mobile! "Duh-nuh-nu-hnuh-nuh-unu-hun BATMAN!"
He runs off
Jigglypuff: Until next time, I promise I’ll catch Star Wolf! See ya!