Jigglypuff: Hello everyone, Jessica the Jigglypuff here! Last time, I was hired by Andross to work for him but I forgot what the job was..
She thinks for a moment
Jigglypuff: oh, that’s right he never told me.. But he is conducting some so-called "experiments" on myself… I feel so special.
Caeman appears in crutches from the crash
Caiman: So… do… I..
He collapses on the floor
Andrew/Pigma: ……………………
Caiman: Aren’t you going to ask what happened to me?
Andrew/Pigma: ………………….
Caiman: THAT JIGGLYPUFF DID THIS TO ME!
Andrew: Um ok… anyways.. Jigglypuff, why do you keep interviewing my Uncle?
Jigglypuff: ……… Well, other than Corneria this is the only Planet I’m familiar with. Your Uncle is very infamous!! Besides, why would you care?
Andrew: OOOh Uncle Andross is famous!?
Jigglypuff: Infamous.. That’s not exactly a good thing..
Andrew: Didn’t you want to interview Wolf?
Jigglypuff: Wolf? Oh yes of course!!
We see Leon pushing a half conscience Wolf in a wheel barrel.
Leon: I’m always hauling his ass out of the bar….
Wolf is drunk out of his head
Wolf: I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE! WHY WON’T YO LEAVE ME ALONE! :hic:
Jigglypuff: This is the leader of the Star Wolf Team?
Leon: Yep, that’s Wolf for you
Jigglypuff: No wonder you guys have problems
Wolf: LEEEON *hic* WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO THAT SWEET PIECE OF COTTON CANDY!?
Leon smacks Wolf and throws him out of the wheel barrel
Jigglypuff: Hello Wolf
Wolf: What the hell is this thing? Dang, I really over do it…
Jigglypuff: Wolf, tell me what you think of your wingmen.
Wolf: Leon’s my closest friend, Pigma is annoying and eats too much, and Andrew.. No comment..
Pigma: HEY!
Andrew: No comment!?
Wolf: There is no word to describe how depressing you are Andrew..
Andross walks in from the laboratory, wearing a white lab coat
Andross: And there’s no word to describe how depressing that Jolteon has made me..
Jigglypuff: Jolteon? Oh yes, the other interviewer who destroyed this place as well as your home!
Andross: Next time we meet, I’ll have a chorus of Pikachus for that needle-dog.
Jigglypuff: So you know Jolteon hates Pikachu? I’m somewhat like that..
Andross: What?
Jigglypuff: Like Jolteon, I also share a certain Pokémon who I cannot stand, none other than that Clefairy , people always mistake me for being one… It’s so frustrating!! And that metronome attack… drives me crazy!
Andross: Metronome eh? Sound interesting, what does it do?
Jigglypuff: That’s the thing, metronome is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get!
Andrew: Speaking of chocolate.. I’m hungry!!!
Pigma: Me too!!
Leon: You’re always hungry!
Andrew: Uncle Andross :Whine: I’m reaaalllly hungry!
Andross: Then go get something to eat..
Andrew: Oh that’s a really good idea Uncle Andross!
Andross buries his face into his hands
Jigglypuff: So what where you doing back in the lab?
Andross: I’ve come up with the perfect plan..
Jigglypuff: For what?
Andross: For you.
Jigglypuff: Which is?
Andross: We shall have a stage with a specialized microphone, and massive speakers. When you sing , your voice should be carried throughout the entire Lylat System, putting everyone to sleep.
Jigglypuff: You’ll make me a stage?!
Her eyes sparkle
Jigglypuff: I always wanted one for my own!!
Andross: There’s one problem..
Jigglypuff: What?
Andross: According to my research, there is nothing that can prevent drowsiness, so I will fall asleep too. You have to wake me up in order for this to work.
Jigglypuff: What is "this?" I’ve been asking you since last time.
Andross: It’s not important, what’s important is everyone will hear you’re beautiful voice
Jigglypuff: That seems a little suspicious.. But if you have nothing up you’re sleeve, then THAT’S SO KIND OF YOU!
Andrew runs back in holding a can of fruit
Andrew: UNCLE ANDROSS!!
Andross’s eye twitches and he turns his head to Andrew
Andross: WHAT IS IT NOW, ANDREW?!
Andrew: I can’t open my can of fruit.. Can you get it for me?
Andross pauses, then looks at Jigglypuff
Andross: Of course I can Andrew! You know those tin cans are no match for me!
Andross opens the can
Andrew: Hey Wolf! He didn’t hit me! You owe me 20 bucks!
Wolf:: :Grumble: No way.. I don’t believe it!
Jigglypuff: You know, it’s not necessary to say your quotes from the game..
Andross: While we wait for the stage to be made, why don’t you tell me about yourself.
Jigglypuff: Well I learned to speak English by all the
contact I’ve had over the years with people, and I - WAIT! Don’t change the
subject..
Andross: I don’t know what you’re talking about
Jigglypuff: I need a better reason of why you want me to sing.. You’re not planning on taking over the Lylat System are you!? I’m here to interview, not cause trouble.
Andross: Did I ever tell you pink is my favourite colour?
Jigglypuff: Just answer the question Andross.
Andross:…………… I just want everyone in the Lylat System to get some much needed rest.
Jigglypuff: Why would you care about them? After all they banished you according to my agents.
Andross: Agents?!?
Jigglypuff: Let’s not get into that..
The X-file theme song plays
Andross: Yes.. They did.. It’s an act of kindness really that’s all I have in mind!
Jigglypuff: Oh really? Then how do you explain the fact that "Guilt" is written all over your face!?
Andross looks in a mirror
Andross: Argh! How the hell did that get there?!
Andrew: A magic fairy drew on you’re face Uncle Andross!
Jigglypuff: What!?
Andross: I’m sure you figured out my nephew has some neurological defects.
Andrew: He says I’m special!
Jigglypuff: How sad..
Wolf: Andrew is just a moron
Andrew: Hey! I’m not a moron!
Wolf: No, you’re just mentally challenged!
Andrew: Yeah!
Jigglypuff sighs
Jigglypuff: I assume you got the brains of the family, Andross.
Leon: For Andross, if he acted his age as opposed to his IQ, I don’t think anyone could tell a difference!
Andross: POWALSKI!
Jigglypuff: Take it as a complement, no need to get upset!
Andross: I’m NOT that OLD!
Jigglypuff: Well how old are you?
Andross: … Uh, it doesn’t matter how old I am, all what matters is I’m old enough for you my dear.
Jigglypuff: WHAT!?
Leon: You mean too old for her.. Hahaha!!!
Andross zaps Leon with his finger
Leon: Arrrgh!
Andross: Anyways, I’m 35
Wolf falls over laughing
Andrew: Ha! You wish!!
Andross: I AM 35!!
Jigglypuff: Oh my gosh, that’s such B.S!! Just look at yourself, you have GREY HAIR!
Andross: It’s because of Andrew! The boy causes me so much stress-
Jigglypuff: Nice try, Andross. Even if you WERE 35, that’s still too old, I’m only 21.
Andross: Well I can dye my hair brown, I’ll look 21!!
Andross grabs a tube of hair dye and slaps it on his head
Andrew: UNCLE ANDROSS! THAT’S NOT BROWN!! THAT’S PINK!!
Andross: Huh? OH SHIT!!
Jigglypuff laughs
Jigglypuff: What’s wrong? I thought pink was you’re favourite colour!
Wolf: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Now he looks like an old, fruity freak!!!
Wolf gets zapped by Andross
Wolf: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh..
Andrew: Heehee you’re funny Uncle Andross
Andross: IF MY HAIR GOES DOWN IM TAKING YOURS WITH ME!
He grabs Andrew with one arm and squirts the rest of the pink dye on top of his head
Andrew: AAHHHHHH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?
Jigglypuff: Oh I think he’s jealous of your youth, Andrew.
Andross: Such nonsense! Jealous of Andrew!? I’m the smartest in the entire galaxy, I can just invent a machine to make me younger!
Jigglypuff: Don’t bother, Andross..
Andross: So.. You’ll love me for who I am?
Jigglypuff: LOVE!? LOVE?! OK!! TIME OUT!! Where are you getting the idea I love you?
Andross: Well you’re always interviewing me… like Andrew said.
Jigglypuff: You’re such a hypocrite! You said Andrew is stupid! Besides, the only reason why I’m interviewing you a lot is because you offered me a job, and I can always have two.. I believe it’s totally necessary for a Pocket Monster such as myself to be sophisticated inside, and outside of the battlefield!
Andross: So.. You don’t love me?
Jigglypuff: :Sighs: This isn’t going to end well…
Andross: But.. Jigglypuff.. You’re the only one who ever understood me, always respected me and-
Andrew: SHUT UP!! IM SICK OF YOU! You're such an evil Uncle!! And I’m not stupid!! Jigglypuff, you’re a kind creature, and I don’t want Uncle Andross to exploit you, he’s using you for your voice so he can take over the Lylat System!!! Besides, even if he does love you, that fat bastard doesn’t deserve someone as nice as you!
Wolf: Holy crapload!! Andrew is back talking Andross!?
Andross: YOU TRATIOR!!!
Jigglypuff: Aww.. That’s so sweet of you too say Andrew.. ………
Her eyes widen
Jigglypuff: WHAT!? I KNEW YOU WHERE UP TO SOMETHING!!! YOU ARE SO DISCUSTING ANDROSS!
Andross: Wait.. He’s lying!!!
Andrew: No I’m not, and just for the record, that was for all the times you
would never play dolls with me!
Andross: ANDREW……. Remind me to kill you later.
Andrew: (In a sappy, but serious voice) Okay, Uncle Andross!
Wolf shakes his head
Andross: Jigglypuff.. Sweetie.. It’s not what you think!
Jigglypuff: Oh yeah, it’s not what I think, then why would you care if I woke you up or not?! You want to take over the Lylat System, and avenge Jolteon for what he did to your empire!! AND DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME SWEETIE!!
Andross: You would do the same thing If someone banished you…
Jigglypuff: AH HA! SO YOU ADMITED IT! YOU ARE GOING TO USE ME TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK! Sure, I would be upset, but two wrongs don’t make a right. Yeah, I may beat the Jesus out of Fox and Falco in Melee, but I would never KILL anyone!
Andross: But.. Jigglypuff.. I love you…
Jigglypuff: Don’t give me that crap! Just excuses! I’m sorry, but I’m going to leave now, I refuse to work for or even interview such a cruel person..
She turns around and walks toward the exit. Andross: chuckles evilly
Andross: You’re just trying to play hard to get.. I’m sorry but I’m not in the mood to do that at the moment, darling.
Jigglypuff: THAT’S JIGGLYPUFF!!
Andross: You’re too important to leave, your voice is the key to my great combat.. Forgive me for doing this my love
He presses a button, two metal arms descend from the ceiling and grabs Jigglypuff, pinning her against the wall
Jigglypuff: HEY! THIS IS NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY! Andross… I’m warning you.. The last thing you want is to upset me…
Andross: Now, what’s an adorable little puffball such as yourself going to do?
Andrew: Puff up?
Leon: Get "Jiggly" wit it?
Wolf: Take a puff?
Andross: THAT WAS A RETORICAL QUESTION YOU FOOLS!
Jigglypuff: What is an adorable puffball going to do?
Her eyes narrow
Jigglypuff: Yes, I may be little, standing only at a mere 1’8ft, but you seem to be forgetting one important thing. Despite the fact I’m a Melee fighter I am still nonetheless, a Pokémon. Normal types such as myself are blessed with the opportunity to be equipped with a variety of attacks.
A blue aura surrounds her
Jigglypuff: I’m sure you remember how painful Jolteon’s thunderbolt was… well it just so happens I can use that too. Not to mention fire, ice, grass, water, ghost - you name it- I’m a very versatile warrior, and don’t you forget that, Andross!
Her eyes turn a deep shade of blue
Jigglypuff: Oh and one last thing, I can also use the powerful psychic assault…
She looks up, the windows begin to crack, then moments later, shatter, and the mechanical arms holding her go limp, releasing her. She turns to Andross as releases a wave of psychic, lifting him off the ground and slamming him into the wall, he hit’s the ground with a horrid thud.
Wolf: WHAT THE HECK?!
Leon: Oh for crying out loud, just say "what the hell," we aren’t in the video game you know.
Wolf: But that’s my trademark!
Leon: Annoying Wolf… I am the great Leon!
Jigglypuff: ARGH SHUT UP!
Jigglypuff opens her mouth and fires a pillage of flames, using her fire blast, it nearly hits Leon, but he manages to evade it
Leon: Close, but no cigar.. Ha ha ha !
Wolf rolls his eyes Jigglypuff glares at Leon and throws him against the opposite wall with psychic.
Leon: She’s too strong!
Wolf: Oh, it’s ok for you to use your quotes in the game, but I can’t!!!
Leon: OH JUST SHUT UP and get that Jigglypuff!!
Wolf: Don’t get too cocky, Leon!
Leon: I’ll get as cocky as I want, Balto!!
Andrew: Hahahaha Balto!
Leon: Shut up Andrew, you watch that movie all the time!
Andrew: I like Balto.
Wolf: Never mind that.. Just get that Jiggly-thing!
Leon: Right!! I’ll take care of you!!
Andrew: I’m not afraid of you , Jigglypuff!!
Andross gets up
Andross: You will die, just like your father!!
Jigglypuff: Huh? What the hell are you talking about, my Dad’s alive!
Andross: Oh right, my bad..
Jigglypuff: It’s foolish to go against me!
Andross: Hey!! That’s my line!
Jigglypuff: Tough shit, monkey boy!
Andross: Why does everyone get that wrong, do I have a tail? No! Do monkeys have tails? No! I’m an ape damnit!!
Jigglypuff: And you’re point is?
Andross charges up the zapper on his glove
Andross: You leave me no choice… NOW YOU WILL FEEL TRUE PAIN!
Jigglypuff yawns
Jigglypuff: I’m sure I will…
Her eyes turn silver, and suddenly, the entire fortress collapses, and she teleports away to safety. Moment’s later, Andross, Wolf, Leon, Andrew and Pigma rise from the ashes of there once standing fortress
Leon: THIS CAN’T BE HAPPINING!
Wolf: I CAN’T LOOOOOSE MY…. HOME!
Andrew: Too late, you just did.
Andross looks up to the sky, completely disgusted, and has that awful feeling of failure, the same feeling he had when Jolteon blew up his empire, and when he lost the war against the Lylats. And yet again, another girl leaves his heart broken.. As well as his fortress
Andross: ………. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY…
A huge vein appears on his forehead, and the vessels in his eyes expose due to his anger
Andrew: Don’t worry Uncle Andross, we’ll get that Jigglypuff for this!
Leon: When I get my hands on that balloon, I’ll torture her until she pops!!
Wolf: If that thing dares to show up in the Lylat System, I’ll kill it!!
Pigma: Mmmmm creampuff.
Suddenly Caiman rises from the rubble
Caiman: I told you the Jigglypuff was dangerous!! BUT NO ONE EVER PAYS ANY ATTENTION TO ME AROUND HERE! YOU WOULDN’T LISTEN!!
Andross turns to Caiman
Andross: Sorry, who are you again?
Caiman falls down anime style
Caiman: I’M CAIMAN, DAMNIT! CAI-MAN!!!!
Andross blinks and his forehead wrinkles, as he tries to remember him. Leon hums the Jeopardy theme song
Andross: …….. Caiman!! That’s right I remember you now..
Caiman: Great, that only took you 5 minutes .. That’s your fastest time yet!!
----
Elsewhere in Kanto, we see Jigglypuff sitting on the top of Mt. Moon looking at the stars, she takes her crown off
Jigglypuff: So much for that interview.. I guess I
couldn’t keep my promise of no one getting hurt, but IT DOSEN’T COUNT!! NO ONE
GOT HURT, JUST THE ENTIRE PLACE FELL APART! That’s right, a Jigglypuff never
breaks her promise.. Heh heh.. Great, I just made enemies with the most
dangerous guy in the Lylat System, and who knows, maybe the world!! Well, I
guess I’ll visit Corneria next time, I promised Falco I would interview him as
well as the Star Fox Team, but I couldn’t make it today.. :yawn: boy, this job
sure is tough, never realized how draining it is to interview people.. Well, the
pay is good, and I’ll see you guys next time with my Falco interview!! Good
night!
TO BE CONTINUED
Next time Jigglypuff will interview Falco and the Star Fox Team, but Andross and er.. "friends" are sure to turn up!!